Despite the popularity of sites like Tinder and Bumble, many newcomers to sites such as these have a certain naivete which, while admirable, can often lead to them becoming disillusioned and crestfallen.
One such situation that everyone is likely to encounter at some point or another is when someone they are chatting to seemingly vanishes off the face of the earth for a while before unceremoniously reemerging some days – even weeks – later.
This pattern of behavior typically persists until one of the parties involved finally moves on indefinitely. Naturally, this series of events can be emotionally draining if you find yourself on the receiving end of an “I’m busy” text.
However, before you throw in the towel for good, try to understand the other person’s motivations. It is entirely possible that they simply forgot to respond to you, or something more important came up. On the other hand, it could mean that they have lost interest or have found someone else.
Of course, people – even those you will encounter online – are complex and multifaceted, and there is no guarantee that any of the three possibilities we have laid out will apply to them. Nevertheless, these are the most common motivations behind an “I’m busy” text.
Despite the many unsavory personalities you are likely to encounter during your time online, there are still plenty of good-natured people out there. And although it may seem difficult if you have been burned one too many times before, it is always better to give someone the benefit of the doubt.
Normally, the “I’m busy” text is accompanied by some explanation. After all, people have lives outside of their Tinder profile, and it would be unfair to expect everyone to respond immediately every time. Additionally, most people are not interested in stringing you along for the sake of it.
The easiest way to tell if someone was truly busy is to compare their most recent texts with those they sent previously. For example, if you were in the middle of a fairly rapid-fire back-and-forth and suddenly stopped replying, they probably got caught up with something else and forgot to reply.
Unfortunately, not everyone you encounter online will be as well-intentioned as you would like them to be. Honesty is the best policy – but when it is so easy to lie and get away with it, most people will opt for a more underhanded method of getting you off their back.
Of course, the warning signs are usually clear from the onset – the term “red flag” gets thrown around a lot nowadays, and for a good reason. Sometimes, people are not interested in deep, meaningful relationships and are perfectly content with stringing you along for as long as you stroke their ego.
On the flip side, a simple lack of chemistry could also lead to you being hit with the “I’m busy” text without further explanation. In these situations, it is best to accept the loss and move on – you only hurt yourself by getting frustrated and upset.
Fortunately, the warning signs are apparent from the word go. If you are unsure whether the person you are chatting to is truly interested or just taking you for a ride, scroll through your conversations and examine their overall demeanor. Have their replies always been so curt and dismissive? If so, they probably are not interested.
If their disposition suddenly changes after a while, there is one other possibility for you to consider.
The world of online dating spins several times over the course of a few hours. It moves quickly, and it cannot be easy to keep up with everything. You could be casually flirting one moment, only to find yourself saying the dreaded “L” word the next.
The opposite is true as well. Sometimes, things seem to be going well, only for everything to go pear-shaped, seemingly at the drop of a hat. If you are not careful, this can leave you in an emotionally-vulnerable position with nothing to show for yourself by the end of it.
This will likely be the case if you constantly flirt with someone but never ask them out. It is not fair to expect someone to wait around until you finally muster up the courage to make a move. People will always gravitate towards the person who not only pays them the most attention but who also takes some initiative.
The easiest way to determine whether or not the person you are chatting to has met someone else (other than asking them) is to compare their latest texts to some of your earlier conversations. If their demeanor suddenly changes, they are likely interested in someone else.
This is precisely why it is imperative that you make your move as soon as possible, within 3 to 4 days of first speaking to the person that you are interested in. Ask for their number, then move off of the dating app and organize a date.
If you ever find yourself on the receiving end of a late reply, you may experience several conflicting emotions which can cause you to lash out. Of course, this is not the healthiest solution, nor is it the most viable.
In truth, there are several ways to approach this situation, but a healthy mindset is a key to all of them.
There have been several books written about the power of letting go. Plenty of Internet gurus pretty much default to this as their mantra, and while it may seem corny and counterintuitive, being able to let go of your anger and frustration is the best thing you can do in this particular situation.
We have already mentioned that it would be unfair and unreasonable to expect everyone to reply consistently. If the person you are chatting with forgets to respond every once in a while, it is no big deal.
Of course, if this seems to be a chronic issue, there are ways to address it more directly, but if the person you are interested in says that they put their phone down or got caught up with work, they are likely telling the truth. Try not to overthink everything – it is okay to be momentarily upset or annoyed, but you should not indulge these feelings.
As mentioned, it is entirely possible that this may be an unhealthy pattern of behavior. In these cases, you may feel perfectly justified in being angry and upset – but it is better to allow cooler heads to prevail.
How you respond should depend on the particular type of relationship you share with the person in question. Tinder acquaintances come and go all the time – if one of them is flaky, there is no harm in cutting them out and moving on.
If, however, your relationship is a little deeper than that, it could be worth it to explain how you feel. Again, it would be best if you did not let your anger or frustration get the better of you. Try to explain your feelings in a calm, non-threatening manner. You could say something to the effect of: “It kind of sucks when I don’t hear from you for a few days.”
Of course, this emotional vulnerability can be challenging for some people, and there is no guarantee that it will pay off. Some people do not care about how you feel – it is okay to cut those people out of your life.
On the other hand, the people who have your best interests in mind will appreciate your honesty. Their behavior may not change immediately, but you can expect an improvement.
The online dating experience is different for everyone – none of these solutions may apply to your situation.
Nevertheless, hopefully, you have gleaned some insight into the dreaded “I was busy” excuse and understand how to respond when someone suddenly drops you. Being able to let go of your anger is a genuine superpower in the world of online dating – be sure to take advantage of it.
If you found the insight in this post interesting and are looking for more tips, tricks, and secrets to get ahead in online dating, do yourself a favor and check out the Online Dating Success Guide. You will find a wealth of knowledge and information, all of which will improve your chances of success on sites like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and many more.
Additionally, if you think your dating profiles could use a touch-up, feel free to use our profile writing services. We also offer text message feedback which can drastically improve your texting game.