When chatting or texting with a girl online, it can be hard to determine how interested she is. If she’s responding but never seems to initiate, you might wonder if she’s even into you.
This guide will cover what it means when someone never initiates the conversation and how to make it more interesting for your match.
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It can mean a few different things when a girl never initiates a conversation. Perhaps she’s busy with work or school, or she’s stressed thinking of a conversation starter. But if your Tinder dating profile is well crafted, it sparked her immediate interest, so all you need to do next is gauge why she never initiates.
Need to build your Tinder profile? Check out some strategies and tips for a successful bio.
In many cases, when a girl never initiates the conversation it’s because she is just busy with work, school, or life. Online chat on Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, OkCupid, or text always falls to the wayside when life gets in the way.
You can tell if she’s busy by either looking through her responses or asking her straight out. For example, if your conversations are like the one below, that’s a bad sign.
You can see in the conversation above that she doesn’t seem to have the time to go on Tinder, which irritated her match. A better way to bring it up would be something like,
- Hey, do you prefer to talk on the phone? I’d love to chat, but I know messaging takes a lot of time.
- If you’re busy with work, we can catch up another time! Are you free later this week to chat?
Most likely, you’ve felt some anxiety about finding the right conversation starter or opener. That goes both ways – she may be stressed about thinking of an opener and instead decided to wait for you to do the work.
While that might be a pain for you because you have to do all the conversational leg work, it’s still a good sign that she’s interested. If she wants to chat with you but isn’t sure how to start a conversation, that still means she is into you.
Many girls prefer when a guy takes the lead and makes the first move because they think that if they initiate, it makes them look too desperate or easy. That’s why you should never take it personally when you have to initiate a conversation. As a guy, that will often become your job.
Learn more about how to start a conversation on an online dating app.
Another possible explanation for her never initiating is that she isn’t sure whether she wants to continue the conversation. In this situation, she might be slightly interested but not willing to put in the effort to start conversations.
That can be frustrating for you. If the situation continues and you feel exhausted from putting in all the effort, it might be time to find a new girl to chat with.
This conversation is a great example of a girl who isn’t sure she’s interested. She responded to his conversation starter, but she didn’t initiate it on her own. To keep her interest, he should ask a specific, thoughtful question, like:
- Okay, top three things that happened to you this week – go!
- Are you doing anything exciting for the long weekend?
- What’s your favorite restaurant around here? I need new spots!
In some cases, her lack of initiating conversation could be a signal that she’s just not interested. The best ways to tell if that’s the case are to ask and check her previous message. She’ll send long, thoughtful responses with questions if she has any interest.
Try asking something simple like:
- Hey, do you still feel like chatting?
- I’ve been having a good time messaging with you! Do you want to keep talking over text?
Sometimes, a girl might seem really interested in person, over the phone, or by text, but never initiate or respond to messages. When she does respond, they’re full of questions, exclamation points, and excitement, so you get confused about what she really wants.
For example, take a look at the conversation above. The girl in this chat didn’t respond with long messages but at the end of the conversation, she asked him for dinner! That just shows that a girl may be interested but might not be the best texter.
When your match always responds to your texts but never initiates, you might be thinking that she’s losing interest. But before you jump to catastrophic thinking, check a few things first:
Quick responses are always a good sign, even when she doesn’t initiate otherwise. Check out your chat history to see how long it usually takes her to respond, and you’ll have more insight into whether she’s interested. If she initially replied within an hour but now she takes a day to reply, it could be a sign that she’s losing interest.
Just like quick responses, messages with thoughtful answers are always a good sign. Take a look at the length of her messages versus yours and whether she also asks you questions.
Here’s a great example of how to tell if she’s interested based on her answer length. She was sending short answers, but he prompted her to expand, and she did – showing she was interested in a longer conversation.
That’s why asking open-ended questions is a great way to get more details and feedback from your matches. Questions that ask, what, why, how, or where are always great because they can be answered in any number of ways.
If you’ve already built an interesting dating profile, your matches know a little about you and are intrigued. So, it could be a good sign that she always replies, even if you always text first. But if that’s the case, then you might need to do some extra work to make sure the conversation keeps going.
Odds are, if she’s continuing to reply then she’s interested in what you’re talking about. Again, it could just mean that she has a busy schedule and doesn’t think about responding until she gets that notification.
You can also always take the joking route like this guy. Casually make a joke about asking her out for dinner and you might be surprised at her response – it could even start a new conversation!
No one wants to be ghosted, but when a girl stops initiating texts, that might be what it feels like. Or, maybe she just “liked” your last message in what’s known as “soft ghosting.” There are two ways you can handle soft ghosting: continue to initiate, or let it go and see if she ever restarts the conversation.
The first way to deal with a match who stopped initiating text is to keep initiating. This puts all of the efforts of the conversation on you, but if you’re really interested in her, then it might be the solution. Try conversation starters like:
- How’s your work week going? Give me the highlight reel!
- Have you ever been indoor skydiving? They opened up a place near us – we should go!
- Okay, what’s your favorite movie, and when can we have a movie night to watch it?
One thing you don’t want to do is overwhelm her with messages like this guy. If she stops responding like the person in this conversation, move on to another match that’s actually interested in chatting with you.
If you’re tired of being the only one initiating conversation, your other option is to just let it go. In other words, you can decide to stop initiating all the time and instead see where she takes the conversation. It will go one of two ways:
- The conversation dies out
- Your connection grows
When you stop initiating, she might let the conversation die out, and you two will slowly ghost each other. If that happens, it just means the match wasn’t right – a conversation should never be one-sided. The other possible outcome is that your connection grows because she decides to put in some effort.
Online dating is hard enough without wondering what it means when someone doesn’t initiate conversations. If you’re having trouble getting replies and dates from online dating, don’t fret.