It’s a common occurrence on Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and other dating apps that people match and then never reply to messages. Often, you’ll get more radio silent matches than you will matches who do respond!
But the people that don’t respond to messages aren’t necessarily uninterested. This guide will cover the reasons why you’ve been ghosted and how you can get the conversation going again.
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When someone stops replying, the best way to respond is to ask a question, send a joke, or find another connection. Most of all, keep it light. You don’t want to try to guilt them into responding by sending a ton of new messages like this person:
A better way to handle it is to restart the conversation with something like:
- Did you hear they’re making a new Spiderman? I remember you said you were a big fan!
- What’s your week look like – are you down to grab lunch sometime?
- BTW have you been to that new restaurant downtown? It’s amazing!
Even though people on dating apps are hypothetically there to meet someone, sometimes they just don’t take the time to do it right. They might put in a few swipes with people, match, and then never check their messages.
Or they’re just there to goof around and they aren’t even interested in finding a potential partner, like these two matches seem to be. The trick is finding those few people that are ready to find love – and you can do that with my online dating coaching.
There are a few reasons why you’re struggling to get replies to your messages. First, don’t panic. People have busy lives and can get distracted, and online dating sometimes suffers because of that. Some Tinder or Hinge users don’t even have their notifications on, so they might go days without checking the app!
But if matches are soft ghosting you left and right, there are some strategies to use to have better luck online.
So you got a match and you sent the first message that you put some time and thought into. You figure this will be the moment you two start to connect and get to know each other. But…no reply. What happened?
Though it might seem like a cool, nonchalant, low-pressure conversation starter, something simple isn’t always the right choice. If you went with a “Hey,” “How are you?” or “What’s up?” chances are your match won’t respond.
Even if you sent something more thoughtful like “How was your weekend, did you do anything fun?” you might not get a response. The best way to ensure a reply is to send a completely personalized message. That means finding something on their profile that you can comment on or ask a question about.
Speaking of questions, the second top reason people aren’t responding to your messages is that they don’t include a question. It’s way easier for a match to respond when they actually have something to respond to.
Even though compliments are a great way to go, they don’t always work alone because all your match can respond is, “Thank you!” Instead, if you pair a compliment with a question, you’ll have more luck. For example:
- I love your style! Where do you like to shop?
- You have a gorgeous smile! I love the second pic of you – where was that taken?
You might not realize it, but your PMs might be too aggressive. Sometimes, a match can get intimidated by a conversation starter that goes right in for the serious questions. Asking things like, “What are you looking for?” or “Do you want to meet up tonight?” can scare someone off before they even get to know you.
Try keeping things casual before you jump straight to the serious questions. Most likely, your match wants to get to know you before they make a decision about what they want from the relationship. Here are some low-key conversation starter examples that aren’t too aggressive for a first message:
- Hi! I see you’re a fan of Taco Tuesday, have you been to that place downtown that sells them for $2?
- Cool rock climbing pictures! Any recommendations for a place around here for a newbie?
- That beach picture is making me miss summer! Are you a summer or a winter person?
If you didn’t get a reply, most times it’s just because it wasn’t the right match for you. People get busy and allow their online dating to suffer, but if you’re looking to actually meet someone, then that wasn’t the right person for you. Or, if you sent a thoughtful message and they didn’t like it enough to respond, that also means they aren’t right for you.
This conversation is the perfect example of a bad match. He tried to give a nice compliment but she was not interested in his style. Your ideal match is a person that finds you interesting, not a person who gets intimidated by your willingness to connect.
Slow replies aren’t always a bad sign, but they can be. It’s difficult to read a person’s messaging style before you get to know them. Unfortunately, that’s the only way to determine if their slow replies are just them, or if they’re ghosting you.
In many cases, slow DMs just means someone is busy with work or doesn’t have notifications on. There are two ways to tell if slow replies are a sign that they’re not interested:
- Check the length of their responses
- Give them your number
If the match is giving long responses, even if they’re spaced out, that’s a good sign. Slow replies aren’t a bad sign if the replies are also thoughtful. Consider the length of their responses before you decide they’re not into you.
The other way to check if they’re interested is to move off the app and onto texting. That will give you a chance to get to know them and learn whether they are just a slow texter. And, if they agree to move things off the app, you’ll know for sure that they’re interested in getting to know you!
Your first instinct might be to block a match if he or she doesn’t immediately reply to a message. That’s especially true if you sent the message a week ago and still haven’t heard back. But before you jump for that block button like the match below, take a moment to think.
Odds are that your match isn’t ignoring you. In most cases, a match is simply caught up in their own lives and too busy to check on their dating apps.
Though blocking might seem like the best way to move past hurt feelings or annoyance, it eliminates any possible future. By blocking a match, there is no chance they will ever see your message and decide to get back to you.
I come across this question a lot in my online dating coaching. People often assume that they are the problem when matches take too long to respond. But that’s not always the case.
Some people might think that messaging back quickly shows neediness. If your match perceives your fast responses as needy, then they might not be the match for you.
You can always try out a slower response time to see if it has more success. But, odds are you’ll just end up in a dying conversation where you’re both taking forever to respond as these two did:
Instead, keep up whatever response time feels natural to you. If you like to text back quickly, then do that. Just make sure you put thought into your messages and show interest in your match and you’re sure to succeed.
Are you looking to get more matches and dates? I can help. As a dating profile ghostwriter, I can help create an attractive profile that gets replies.
With my professional dating profile services, you’ll no longer have to think about why your matches stopped replying. Learn more about my strategies, building a profile that gets dates, and how to maximize your online dating success.