Regardless of how much experience you have “playing the game,” as it were, the pain of rejection is tough to shake. Being let down is one thing; being let down after also being strung along is something else entirely.
If this sounds like something you may be familiar with, this post is for you. Although heartbreak and rejection are both natural consequences of the search for love, one can somewhat mitigate the pain they cause if one knows how to anticipate them.
Is she busy or losing interest?
A person’s intentions can be tough to gauge over the phone. Fortunately, there are a couple of ways of determining whether she truly cannot make it to dinner, or if she is just trying to give you the slip. Focus on their overall behavior and their recent interactions with you to get an idea of what they really mean when they say that they are busy.
The quest to find love can be brutal. Although Hollywood and trashy romance novels would have us believe that each of us has a perfect counterpart somewhere, just waiting to be found, the truth is decidedly more mundane.
Most people will inevitably settle for a perfectly normal relationship that fulfills their basic need for companionship in the real world. These unions are perfectly fine. They may not be as glamorous as the couplings we see on the silver screen, but they are comfortable and safe.
However, every relationship has its ups and downs, and who you settle for one day may not be the person you are meant to be with the next. The chances are that you, too, have been in a relationship that you were not wholly invested in. And when that happens, though the urge to bolt may be overpowering, your partner deserves something to ease the pain.
Therefore, when someone tells you that they are simply too busy for a relationship, it can mean one of two things: either they genuinely struggle with essential time management, or they are not that into you.
Of course, every rule has its exceptions. Although the “I’m busy” excuse is most often used as a euphemism for “I’m not interested,” there are times when one should take it at face value.
Life – as we all know – can often get in the way of the things we enjoy. Sometimes, a budding relationship can be stopped dead in its tracks by a series of unfortunate – but nonetheless unavoidable – events.
Say, for example, that you and your partner-to-be are both university students. Although both of you would love to pursue the possibility of a relationship, exams are coming up, and your would-be partner cannot afford to spend time doing anything other than studying.
Obviously, that would suck, but being the fountain of patience and understanding you are, you decide to let it go for the time being and wait for exams to be over.
This specific scenario may not be familiar to you, but it illustrates our point well enough. If you and the girl you are interested in have been spending time together, texting, and getting along, you should not be quick to dismiss her supposed busy schedule as a way of letting you down. Consider what she does: is she a paralegal putting herself through law school? The chances are she doesn’t have much free time on her hands? Is she in any sort of management position? Ditto.
Even after knowing someone for so long, it can still be challenging trying to read their thoughts and gauge their intentions. Determining what a person means when they tell you that they are busy sounds simple, but the age-old excuse could indicate their losing interest in you and the relationship.
Fortunately, though losing someone after pursuing them for so long can be tough to deal with, there are several “warning signs” which could signal that a relationship simply is not working out as well as it should. Additionally, once you have been made aware of an issue, you can take the necessary steps to resolve it before throwing in the towel altogether.
The thrill of a burgeoning relationship is tough to match. Every text message you receive from her lights up your cheeks and makes the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.
Naturally, however, as your relationship develops, the way you communicate will also shift accordingly. Before, there used to be heart emojis and kisses. There are now only periods and single-word answers.
To keep her invested, start asking her more open-ended questions that demand answers more comprehensive than a simple “yes” or “no.” Ask about what she did at work today, or what her plans are for the rest of the night. Be specific. Additionally, it would be best if you suggested fun and exciting date ideas that she would have a hard time saying no to.
A good rule of thumb is to keep your private and professional lives as far apart from one another as possible. Bringing emotional baggage to work results in a lack of focus and productivity; conversely, bringing the office home with you can crush your spirit.
That being said, a relationship is – first and foremost – a partnership. The people involved should have an equal investment in each other’s success and be willing to help one another with whatever problems they may face, at work or home.
Therefore, if your partner has stopped confiding in you about how unreasonable their boss is or has stopped complaining about how incessant their mother is, it could be a sign that they are no longer as invested in the relationship as they once were.
Although you should never dig into their personal affairs without their permission, it is okay to straddle the line between invasiveness and curiosity. Ask your partner questions that are not “how was your day?” Be specific – ask them about their unreasonable boss or their incessant mother. Not only will this show them that you are genuinely attentive when they speak, but they will also be much more likely to open up to you again.
One of the best things about being in a relationship is always having someone to hang out with. At first, things are awkward and tense, but once the two of you find common ground, spending time with each other becomes much easier – and much lovelier.
Of course, you cannot expect someone to always be in the best of moods whenever they hang out with you. Life gets in the way, remember? But most times, it is not a bad mood that you need to worry about – it is a lack of any interest whatsoever.
A date with someone should be fun, not laborious. If your partner keeps getting that vacant look in their eye, it may be time to switch things up. Get creative – do not keep taking them out to the same dingy bar or quiet cafe. Look for events happening in and around your area, and take them to places they will never forget. You should be looking for activities that you think will interest both of you (avoid movies and dinners at all costs). Examples could include going to an escape room or looking around a gallery or marketplace.
Asking someone out requires a certain level of nerve that can be tough to acquire. The people who feel no shame in putting themselves out there deserve admiration.
Of course, things do not always work out, shame or no shame. Sometimes, after just a couple of dates, your partner-to-be may start avoiding you or shutting down any future plans with you.
The “I’m busy” excuse may rear its head here, but more often than not, you will not need to hear it to know that she is not interested anymore. This usually occurs towards the beginning of a new relationship, so the damage is less severe. Still, if you feel the need to pursue the relationship further, take all of our previous suggestions into account and be prepared for rejection. It is best to escalate the budding relationship as quickly as possible – ask her out within the first three days and see how she responds.
If she is still “busy” or otherwise completely distant, it is best to give her some space and try again at a later stage.
To say that the dating world is tricky to navigate would be an understatement. However, it is a gauntlet that you will inevitably be forced to run if you want to find love. And – if we are being honest – the challenges you encounter along the way make the pot of the gold at the end of the rainbow seem that much more significant.
Of course, we could all do with a bit of help from time to time, so if you feel like your profile could use a bit of an upgrade, feel free to get in touch with us. If you keep striking out because of your poor text game, let us review your messages and give you the feedback you need to improve.