I Always Have To Start The Conversation With My Boyfriend
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I Always Have To Start The Conversation With My Boyfriend (Is This Bad?)

Communication is key in any relationship, but quite often this can reduce as your relationship progresses. Many women end up worrying as they are often always the ones to start the conversation with their boyfriend instead of their boyfriend messaging them first.

It is also concerning if they are taking too long to respond to messages. If you have noticed this, it may mean a number of different things. Never fear however, as a dating and relationship expert, I often hear these concerns and can give you some useful advice. So, let’s take a look at what this might mean.

I always have to start a conversation with my boyfriend – is that bad?

If you are the one who always has to initiate the conversation with your boyfriend, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad sign. Whether it’s ‘good’ or ‘bad’ depends on your expectations of how you wish to communicate and how you have been communicating in the past.

For example, if you have always been the one who has initiated texts and are OK with this arrangement, then it’s completely fine. However, if your boyfriend was the one who often messaged you first but has recently stopped texting you, that may be a sign there may be problems with the relationship. In this case, it’s best to be upfront with how you feel and let him know about your concerns.

What To Text Your Boyfriend When You Haven’t Heard From Him All Day

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If you are used to your boyfriend texting you all the time, but he has not texted you all day, you may start to worry that something is not right. However, it is important to note that there may be a perfectly normal reason for their lack of communication – they might be busy at work or caught up with their family meaning that they just haven’t had the time to pick up their phone. If you are worried and want to send them a text message, it is important to stay relaxed and not appear overwhelming in your message. Simply message to ask if everything is ok, instead of accusing them of anything or looking like you are stressing out. They may reply to this instantly or take a little time to respond if they are caught up.

What to do if your girlfriend is not starting the conversation? My blog post can help.

Here is an example of how you might phrase your message:

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You can see that the message above appears casual but still gets across the concerns that you have. It gives your boyfriend the opportunity to explain why you haven’t heard from them but doesn’t come across as possessive or overbearing. Instead, it clearly shows that you care.

Does your partner take forever to text back? Here’s what it could mean.

Why Does My Boyfriend Never Initiate Conversation?

Why Does My Boyfriend Never Initiate Conversation?


There are many explanations why your boyfriend might not be the one starting the conversations – the first question that you need to ask yourself is has he always been like this? Or has this happened all of a sudden? This will help you narrow down the reason for their lack of initiative.

If He Has Started Conversations In The Past

If your boyfriend is usually good at opening the conversation, but this has changed recently, it may be due to him going through a rough time. This would be if he is stressed or busy at work, or concerned about a family member or friend, so his attention is elsewhere. He may not have shared this information with you are he doesn’t want to worry you or talk about his feelings.

Alternatively, if you have been texting for a while he might feel like he has spoken about everything and is finding it difficult to continue the conversation. This happens in relationships and is natural when talking to someone for a long time. It is however important, that you think of new conversation topics or new experiences to share in order to keep the communication going.

If He Has Always Left Starting The Conversation To You

If throughout the time you have been talking, you are always the one starting the conversation, it may be that your boyfriend is simply a shy quiet guy. While being with you may get him out of his shell, it does not mean that he will take control of conversations. If your boyfriend has always been like this, then you shouldn’t be worried as there is no change in behavior. You may want to express to him how you feel and ask him to make a little bit of an effort in starting up conversations. It is important to be patient in this process as it may not come naturally to them.

How To Revive Your Conversation – Texting Etiquette

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If you feel like your messages are full of dying conversation and you are struggling to keep the chat going, this may not be the most positive sign. On the other hand, you may just need to make it easier for your boyfriend to reply. Take a look at our top tips to keep the conversation going:

Always ask open-ended questions

This stops dry conversations where the person on the other end can only reply with a few words. Open-ended questions give them more of a chance to expand on their answers. Take a look at the example below:

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As you can see from the conversation above, asking open-ended questions is a great way to get them to give you more detail in their messages. The questions act as prompts, allowing your partner to understand what to include in their reply. If you do need to ask closed questions that would often get a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response in return, try asking a few questions at a time, like the last message so that you are not left with a simple one-word answer.

Keep the conversation going using icebreakers

In order to keep the conversation going, it is important to include a good selection of comments and a mix of questions in order to get good responses from your boyfriend. If you find that the conversation is drying out, there are a number of ice breakers that you can use to ignite it again. This might include asking about holiday plans, favorite memories, the best meal they have ever eaten or what their goals are for the next year. This will allow them to talk to you with lots of detail and should ignite passion within the conversation.

Does not texting him back make him want you more? See my thoughts here.

Why Is My Boyfriend Never Making Plans?

If you’re in a relationship with someone, it is entirely understandable that you will want to spend all your time with them. However, it is important that you continue to have your own life outside of your relationship, meaning that you have to spend some time away from each other as this is healthy for any relationship. Time apart allows you to reflect, and work on yourself.

Spending too much time together can lead to you feeling cramped and that you have nothing to talk about – meaning that your text conversations will dry up. Having space apart will mean that you have stories to tell each other, you can share what you have been up to throughout the day and you can plan when you are next meeting up.

Your partner may not be making plans with you if he is busy at work or his priorities lie elsewhere – for example if he needs to look after a family member. If this is for the short term, be patient as things like this may crop up throughout your relationship. If you find that this is becoming permanent, however, it may be time to ask him if something else is going on – for example, does he not feel the same way he did before for you.

Learn how to text a busy girl and keep her engaged.

What To Do If My Boyfriend Never Initiates Hanging Out

If you are beginning to feel like your boyfriend is ghosting you and doesn’t want to hang out, or that you are always the one trying to make the plans, the best way to deal with this is, to be honest, and upfront about it. Simply ask him if everything is ok, and see what his response is. Take a look at the example below:

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If they respond by reassuring you and explaining why they may have been more distant, this will put your mind at ease. If, however, they respond by saying that they want to talk and they think there are problems in your relationship, you may find that they are losing interest. No matter the outcome it is better to know what is going on so that you don’t worry and overthink the situation.

What if it is a girl losing interest? Check out my blog post here.

Asking this question may lead to you discussing these issues with your boyfriend and going your separate ways. This will take time to process, so use this time to work on yourself. Once you have processed this, why not try and get back into dating?

Looking to start afresh and date? Here’s how to write your tinder profile.

The Take-Away


Relationships can be complex things, and communication is key to their success. As you can see from our guide above, however, there are a number of different reasons why your boyfriend may not be instigating these messages, leaving you to do all the hard work. To try and rectify these, and increase the communication within your relationship, try out some of the conversation starters that we suggested above.

If you notice that there is no improvement and no explanation for your boyfriend’s lack of effort, this may be a sign that the relationship is fizzling out, and as hard as it is, it may be time to start afresh.

As a communication and relationship expert, I can teach you how to communicate with your partner or someone you are dating via text messages. With my one-on-one coaching, you can gain an insight into how to make a strong first impression while communicating via text messages and get feedback on the direction of your text discussions. I’ll also work with you to improve your dating life with a magnetic dating profile.

Lastly, if you really want to make a new beginning in your love life, be sure to check out my complete online dating success guide.

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