He only contacts me when it suits him. A young woman, wearing a pink sweater and headband, looks confused as she holds her phone.

He Only Contacts Me When It Suits Him (Is He Interested?)

Ladies, guys can be a real mystery sometimes. One moment he’ll be texting you nonstop, and the next he’ll be distant. You might be wondering if he is still interested. Did you scare him off, or is he playing hard to get?

As we delve into this guide, keep in mind the enigma of male behavior and the possibility of mixed signals, especially if he only contacts you when it suits him. Let’s navigate through these uncertainties and unravel the clues to understand his intentions!

He Only Talks to Me When He Feels Like It: Is He Interested?

A cute, ordinary European girl in glasses is holding a smartphone, touching her chin, and frowning while looking up thoughtfully.


Men can be hard to understand at times, especially when they stop texting you as often. Here are some common reasons why he may be texting you less.

He May Be Losing Interest In You

If your guy doesn’t seem to be flirting with you as much as he used to, there’s a chance he’s putting you in the friendzone. Not only will this be easy to tell, but it can happen quickly. His responses will be shorter, and he may be agitated if you message him too much. When someone only wants to text, it may indicate a preference for a more casual or platonic connection rather than a romantic one.

Here are some good examples that might show he’s losing interest in you:

In the conversation above, it’s evident that only one person is actively seeking an engaging, deep discussion. Right from the get-go, the other participant appears disinterested, responding with one-word answers. These telltale signs indicate a lack of investment, with minimal effort being put into the relationship. Navigating online dating can be challenging, especially when attempting to foster meaningful conversations with matches and acquaintances.

Is He Suddenly Preoccupied With Somebody Else?

You may be wondering if he really likes you or is into someone else. After all, you don’t want to waste your time on someone who doesn’t feel the same way. Here are some things you can do to get a better idea of how his status.

  • If you have his social media, check out his activity, such as Facebook or Instagram. Is he constantly posting pictures with another person or current partner?
  • If you know his friends, you can inquire about his relationship status. Does he currently have a partner? How was his last relationship?
  • If you see him in class or school, see if he is constantly around somebody; especially if there are public displays of affection (PDA) involved.

Other signals you should be looking out for are his frequency and the time of day he contacts you. If he used to text you during the day, but now he only texts during the evening or sporadically, it could be an indication of a shift in his interest or availability.

Give Him Some Space

Sometimes, men need time to sort things out. He may be trying to figure out how he feels about you. If this is the case, give him some time to figure things out. Make sure to give him his space and try not to bombard him with messages. Other things that can help include:

  • Take your time to respond and message him with engaging texts.
  • Keep your messages shorter.
  • Don’t be “too open” with your feelings and leave some mystery.
A text conversation where Carl asks the person if everything is okay and if he is bothering her, and she reassures him that he is not.

You can tell from the conversation above that Carl is clearly interested and is wondering if she is OK. She keeps her replies short but lets him know how she is feeling and that it’s not his fault.

Try To Figure Out How He Feels

Figuring out how he feels is important, and engaging in deep conversations can provide a good indication of his thoughts and emotions, helping you meet your own needs for understanding and connection while alleviating any anxiety and fear of rejection you may have. This exploration is crucial for gaining closure and understanding the real reasons behind his actions. You need to see where he is at both mentally and emotionally. Ask him how his day is going and if everything is okay. Inquire about his work and if he wants to talk about anything meaningful.

If you want to be more direct, you can always ask him how he feels about you. Although this can be scary, seeking clarity will provide a clear answer and save you time in the long run. If he likes you, great! If not, you can move on to someone else and stop worrying about how he feels about you, achieving the closure you need for your emotional well-being and reducing any lingering fear of rejection.

He only Texts Me When He Wants To See Me

A young, attractive woman sits down, leaning against a white brick wall as she checks her smartphone.


If you’ve noticed that he only reaches out through texts when he wants to see you, it could be indicative of sporadic interest or a reluctance to engage in consistent communication. While the initiative to connect for in-person meetings is positive, the irregularity of his messages might raise questions about the depth of his commitment. Engaging in an open conversation about your expectations, desires, and the level of passion you both bring to the relationship becomes crucial, especially if you find yourself desiring more consistent communication. This dialogue can contribute to transparency and cultivate a more meaningful connection, ultimately aligning with your values and ensuring there’s no ulterior motive.

Alternatively, his texting pattern may indicate a preference for coordinating actual plans, perhaps meeting at a favorite café or other in-person settings. Some individuals prioritize face-to-face connections and use texting primarily for planning these encounters. However, if you feel that the emotional connection is lacking or if you’re yearning for more meaningful communication, it’s essential to express your concerns. Ensuring both partners have a shared understanding of the relationship’s nature and depth is crucial for navigating expectations and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling connection, all while respecting your own needs and self-respect.

He’s Being Distant But Says Nothing Is Wrong

A man sits on a sofa chair, leaning forward with his hands to his chin, deep in thought as he looks over to a lady.

You’ve noticed that he’s been acting distant and isn’t talking to you as much. However, when you ask him, he says nothing is wrong. So, what do you do? Here are some tips you can follow:

Try To Keep Your Mind Off Him

Keeping busy is a great way to help you get through this situation. Some things you can do include:

  • Staying active, such as by working out. This is a great stress reliever.
  • Keeping your mind stimulated by reading, writing, and drawing. This helps to keep your mind focused on other things.
  • Spending time with family and friends. That’s exactly what this person does in the conversation below.
A text conversation where someone messages their bestie, asking if they want to go shopping and have lunch together around 12.

What If He Apologized For Being Distant

A young couple sits on a sofa together. The man puts his arm around the woman, trying to cheer her up, while she looks slightly annoyed.

If he’s apologized for his behavior, that’s a good sign. It shows that cares about your feelings and is probably trying to process his feelings. As he works out his emotions, here are a few things you can do to make things easier between you two:

Be Patient With Him

He’s going to need some time to sort himself out and understand his feelings. Be patient with him and realize it might take some time. Don’t be spiteful or rude.  Let him know you’ll be there for him if he needs to talk.

Keep Being His Friend

While you’re being patient with him, be sure to let him know that you’re still his friend. He’s going to need you emotionally, and he is going to appreciate knowing that you two can still talk. You may have to wait to see how he feels about you but if he’s truly a great guy, he will be worth the wait.

Pay Attention To His Actions

Besides being distant, he may be feeling shy about his feelings. If this is the case, it may explain why he’s acting distant. Is he being more quiet than usual? Do you catch him looking at you and then looking away? Does he act nervous or fidgety? These are all indicators that someone is feeling shy or nervous. Observing a man’s actions and paying attention to any subtle romantic gestures can provide a better understanding of men and valuable insights into his emotional state.

Figure Out What He Wants

Even though men and women are different, we are still human beings in the end, with the same emotions and insecurities. There’s a reason why he is being distant. Maybe he does like you but doesn’t want to admit it. Or perhaps he’s jealous that you’re into another guy. Or maybe he just needs some validation or an ego boost from you, showing that you care about him and he doesn’t want to be a doormat. These are all valid reasons for a man’s actions.

If you’re both on good terms, ask him what’s wrong and what he wants. Again, this is more direct but can provide a lot of insight into how he feels about you. It’s the simple things, such as being honest and clear with your feelings, that play a major part in any successful long-term relationship.

Tell Him How You Feel

As mentioned, being upfront with your feelings is the first step to building a better relationship with your crush, boyfriend, or partner. The best way to see how he feels is to do it first. Yes, I know this can be scary and isn’t going to be easy. Real life isn’t supposed to be easy and is filled with many challenges. However, being vulnerable can also be liberating. Tell him how you feel and observe how he reacts. You may be pleasantly surprised.

As you can see from the conversation below, this is what Jane is planning to do with the guy she secretly likes.

A text conversation where someone confesses their feelings to the other person and discovers that they feel the same way. They suggest having dinner later to discuss it.

As you can tell from the conversation, Jane’s crush feels the same way as her, prompting him to suggest having dinner. But she might not have known how he felt if she didn’t open herself up in the first place. Even if he didn’t feel the same way, it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Although rejection is never fun, we’ve all had to deal with heartbreak at some point in our lives. But we get over it and move on. There are always more fish in the sea.

Now, you might be wondering, is there a perfect time to let someone know how you feel? Unfortunately, no. This depends on your unique situation and relationship with the other person. My advice is to express your feelings in a timely manner—don’t wait too long. People are busy, and circumstances can change, so striking when the iron is hot is essential. There have been numerous times when I wanted to tell a girl how much I liked her, but I hesitated, convincing myself it was a bad time and that I would do it some other time. More often than not, I either never saw her again, or she ended up dating someone else, and I lost my chance.


Hopefully, this article has helped you clarify some of the confusion as to why he only contacts you when it suits him and what you can do about it. When it comes down to it, relationships are never easy. Knowing whether someone is into you or not, can be confusing. Hopefully, this post has provided some tips you can keep in mind if you’re going through this situation now.

If you’re looking to add some spark back to your dating life, I can help. As a conversation and dating coach, I’ve helped numerous clients to improve their online dating life. Besides my blog, I offer services to improve your dating profile and text conversations. So if you’re ready to take that next step, get in touch. I’m only a click away 🙂

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