Girl I'm Talking to is Being Distant

The Girl I’m Talking to is Being Distant (How to Respond)

The pre-relationship and early stages of a relationship can be quite tricky. While your communication patterns develop, you and your partner may often find yourselves struggling to keep up with the pace of the other person.

This can be confusing when your partner developed a habit of mood swings, such as acting hot and cold. You never know when she’s breadcrumbing you, ghosting you, or when you may be on the verge of getting friendzoned or rejected!

If you’re stuck at a similar point in your relationship, and none of your conversations seem to be going well, then keep reading.

Why the Girl I’m Talking to is Being Distant?

When she’s not responding to your conversation starters or upholding her usual texting etiquette, this can worry you. And once you catch wind of the fact that things aren’t exactly right, you may be worried sick as to why she’s being so distant on Bumble, or why she doesn’t respond well to your prompts on CMB!

To know for sure if she’s soft ghosting you or if there’s some other problem, here are a few cues that may help:

1. She’s Online But Doesn’t Respond

If she is online on her social handles, then you might want to consider that she’s actually distancing herself from you. However, if she has an active profile, then it could be that she’s too busy interacting with other people to give you her special attention (which may not qualify as distancing). But if she’s avoiding you on a more intimate dating app, such as OkCupid, then this may be a sign that she isn’t that interested.

Why the Girl I'm Talking to is Being Distant?

This conversation above, for instance, seems like a classic example of distant behavior over text.

2. She Doesn’t Text First

Has she always been a virtual wallflower? If yes, then it may be hard to decipher between her distancing demeanor and her usual self. But if she’s normally friendly with you and is okay with a bit of teasing and flirting, then you’ll have to consider that she may be distancing herself from you if she is texting less often.

I’ve often seen this in from reviewing clients’ conversations that if a person doesn’t want to engage with you anymore, the easiest thing to do is to just stop replying. If you feel like your muse has transitioned into the same phase, then she may be soft ghosting you.

3. She Tries to Act Normal

This is a tricky one. You can tell something is “wrong” by her actions but when you bring it up to her, she denies anything is wrong.  She may even say you’re reading too much into things and there’s nothing to worry about. If she is stonewalling you, the most important thing is to remain calm. The last thing you want to do is react emotionally and accuse her of lying. Trust me, I’ve seen this too many times and it never ends well.

If you truly feel her she has been acting distant lately, ask her if everything is OK and if she wants to talk. Hopefully, she will open up about her feelings with you. However, if she remains distant, the best you do is to be patient and understanding.

What Does it Mean if She is Distant but Still Texts?

Receiving texts from a girl who is acting distant can be confusing. Although some girls may find it fun to confuse guys with mixed signals, many girls may not even realize they’re doing it. If you’re dealing with this situation now, here are a few points to consider:

1. How She Behaves In Real Life

Does she see you but she avoids coming near you?

Does she find excuses not to meet up in person?

Or does she act differently in person vs. over text?

If you see any of these signs, this may mean she’s confused about feelings and doesn’t know how to act around you.

2. How She Responds to Texts

Many people may not talk much in person but are surprisingly active over texts. With these people, there’s hardly room for a dry conversation! This is actually pretty common since it’s often more comfortable to hide behind a screen.

People like these, including many girls, seem to live in two different worlds — one in reality and the other online. Therefore, many of them may be more comfortable talking over text. In all, it’s quite likely she may not be distancing herself, but instead,  not know how to interact in person.

What to Do When a Girl Suddenly Goes Cold On You

Has your girl gone cold turkey on you? If so, here are some tips to follow.

1. Avoid Impulsive Behavior

Although her coldness may be annoying, a negative reaction from you could make matters worse. For one, it’s usually hard to provide concrete evidence that someone is acting distant since it happens over a period of time. She can always deny and say she’s acting normal. Second, if she’s upset about something, your impulsive response may upset her more.

What to Do When a Girl Suddenly Goes Cold On You

This conversation is a prime example of impulsiveness you want to avoid. It can make you come across as overly reactive and can push her away. The last thing you want to do is to make accusations since no one likes to be judged.

Instead of saying “Why are you ignoring me?”, he could have asked “Is everything OK? I noticed that you’ve been acting more distant lately.”

2. Give Her Some Space

This may be difficult, but you may have to give her some space to figure things out. She may be confused about what she wants from the relationship or how she feels about you. This is quite common. Plus, a little space on your own accord may help you get clarity on where your relationship stands as well.

Give Her Some Space

Here, for instance, she seems distant. However, a constant stream of text messages isn’t going to help and will probably just make her feel more annoyed.

3. Use Some Fresh Conversation Starters and Topics

She could also be going cold due to a dry conversation. If you feel like your conversations are becoming stale, then adding some interesting topics and questions can do wonders. Just some topics you can discuss include hobbies, passions, travel, food, shows, to name a few.

For example, here are some questions you can ask:

  • If you can only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
  • What’s your favorite thing to do after a long day of work?
  • What did you want to be when you were five years old?
  • Are you a dog or cat person?
  • Where do you want to visit next?

Check out my guide on what to do if your conversation is going nowhere. 

What if She is Being Distant After Being Intimate

Sometimes, the girl you’re talking to may only be distant at specific times, such as after you’re intimate together. It’s natural to talk about your experience with each other after being together. However, she may not want to talk even if she did have a great time with you.

Realize that there can be many reasons why she may be acting this way, which may have nothing to do with you. For example, one girl I was seeing wasn’t ready for a relationship which is why cut off contact with me. Another girl just broke up with her boyfriend and didn’t want to be tied down. As you can see, both of these reasons had nothing to do with me.

The best time to broach this sensitive topic is when you are together since you can address any issues right away. The key is to be gentle, patient, and understanding. Also, give her some space if she needs it. Trust that she will come to you when she is ready.

Should I Ignore Her Texts If She is Distant?

There’s a fine line between ignoring someone and being distant. If you find that you’re not texting her as often because your mind is on other things or you’re busy, let her know. This way, she will know you’re not punishing her for her behavior.

However, if you’re ignoring her texts to get her attention, this is a dangerous game to play. Ignoring her texts when she’s already being distant can drive her further away further and have the opposite effect of what you intended. As mentioned, it’s always best to be patient and understanding. That way, she will know that she can trust you.


The distance of a loved one can be excruciating, especially when they once used to be intimate. However, if you truly care about them, you can break through the barriers that keep your relationship from moving forward. If you need help finding your special person, my dating profile services can help. Just drop me a message!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


  1. Hey .. really helpful information Alex. Thank you!

    I met someone off Bumble and after many dates, where we kissed and were generally quite affectionate, her busy work schedule and family commitments have meant now I hardly see her.

    I feel like I’m doing all the work, after initiating the dates and generally keeping in touch. She has been doing the ‘Awww’ thing in fair few messages also.

    I have mentioned that I like her and she’s been really affectionate ‘when’ we do actually meet, but I’m getting frustrated by having her respond rather than initiate conversation. As an example, she was away on a work trip and I didn’t realize she was back, till I messaged after a week of no contact to have her reply ( albeit quickly ) saying she had a great time and was back.

    Ordinarily, I’d scrap any hopes of developing anything with her, since her aloofness and lack of interest is palpable, but the times we had been together ( 5 dates ) have been really fun, diverse, and physically close.

    I’m a direct kind of person, especially when I like someone, but since we already spoke after my openly referencing a frustration from her being flakey at times, I feel like I can’t take the same direct approach again. She did say she wanted to keep seeing me and seeing how things go.
    I guess, after this amount of dates and seemingly pleasant moments and exchanges, I feel a little more transparency is due. Right now, being aloofed is feeling like a kick in the teeth after my efforts. I’m clearly not as good as I thought I was in speaking to women.

    Can you suggest a way to broach the subject?

    Thanks, D

    1. Hi Deefer,

      I’m glad that you found my article helpful! I’m sorry to hear about your situation but I think most guys can relate to you.

      Based on what you said, it seems that she is interested in you but is limited due to her busy schedule.

      If I were you, I would probably bring up your concerns again and let her know how you feel and what you’re looking for out of the relationship. Don’t make her feel guilty about it but just let her know about your feelings and expectations.

      Keep in mind that she might not be ready to give you the same effort and commitment that you want. I’ve dated some girls I liked who was unreliable and it just wasn’t worth the effort in the end. You have to ask yourself how much more effort you are willing to put into this relationship with the lady you are seeing and if it’s worth it. Only you can answer that.

  2. Christopher Phillips says:

    Your article here was just the right advice, councel, and well, the best medicine and therapy I needed to help me relax and stay focused while I wait for my GF to figure some things out before she decides she is ready to have an in depth conversation concerning a disrespectful thing I did a couple wekends back. I know she still cares for me. But, it looks like she is afraid she might judge too harshly and that I may get defensive and act like a jerk when confronted. I don’t think she wants to just end the relaitionship because of how great our chemistry and intimate times were going before I stepped over a boundary she clearly set for a weekend. Looking forward to the talk soon though because I really love her and care for her deeply. I’m truly willing to work on my end of the deal to keep her. She has meant a lot to me these past five months.

    1. I’m glad you found it helpful! Based on what you said, I agree that it’s probably better to give her some time. Once the both of you are ready, you can discuss things. The important things are to be understanding, and respectful, and to let her know that you care about her. Hope you get everything sorted out!