Online dating requires a lot of patience. Depending on your goals, it could take weeks to find someone special to talk to. And once you have found them, an entirely new challenge presents itself: keeping their attention.
Conversations can play out in several different ways, but your main focus should always be on getting to know your match and subsequently asking them out. But what happens when the conversation comes to a halt? What happens when your match is too busy to respond?
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The chances are that you have already found yourself in this particular situation, perhaps more than once. You know the cycle: you find someone attractive, but all of your attempts to get to know them better are rebuffed. Understandably, you may feel hurt and rejected, but how you choose to respond is crucial.
The best way to respond to someone who says that they are too busy for conversation is to relax, take a deep breath, and hold off on expressing any disappointment. It could be that your match is really busy, and they may ask to speak later – this indicates that they want to get to know you.
More often than not, however, when someone says that they are too busy to speak, they mean that they are not interested in you. If they constantly rebuff your advances, the best thing you can do is accept that it is not meant to be and move on.
Of course, there are many more ways to respond – some of them may even be enough to win your match over.
Ideally, conversations on online dating sites are all about maintaining momentum and rhythm. Your main goal should be to establish a rapport with your match and ask them out as soon as the opportunity presents (within the first three days of matching).
But, of course, we do not live in an ideal world. More often than not, you will have to suffer a few failures before finding success. After having a few conversations with someone you like, your progress could be stopped dead in its tracks by the all-too-familiar phrase: “I’m busy.”
It is easy to become self-critical when this happens – did you do or say something wrong? Usually, however, the “problem” is not with you – it is with them.
If you have ever felt the sting of a girl saying that she is too busy, it is most likely because she simply is not interested in you.
When people like each other, they make time for one another: relationships need a healthy dose of compromise. Even online dating requires compromise; that is, both parties need to take the time to get to know one another. But before that, they need to want to make the time.
Ergo, if someone says that they are too busy to speak to you, and they do not offer to continue the conversation at a later time, the simple fact is that they just are not interested in you.
This could be because your personalities clash; or, if you have already been on a date, they may not have felt any “spark” or attraction. It is also possible that you may have done or said something to upset them.
Regardless of the reason, your best course of action would be to take it in stride and move on. The chances are that they will not elaborate any further, and subsequent interactions will yield the same response: “I’m busy.”
Of course, there are a couple of other possibilities.
As we have mentioned before, the world of online dating moves quickly. Newcomers to the scene often have a hard time keeping up. Conversations need to move rapidly, and you will need to strike while the proverbial iron is hot – otherwise, someone else might beat you to it.
Although you may not be able to pick up on it based on what they say, your match may have found someone else, someone they really like. Of course, people often have a hard time telling the truth. Rather than letting you know that there is someone else, your match may drop the dreaded phrase: “I’m busy.”
Again, we do not recommend spending too much time thinking about it. If your match has found someone who makes them happy, the best you can do is try to be happy for them and get out of their way.
Though this is a rare occasion, sometimes when someone says that they are busy, they really mean it.
People have lives outside of the Internet. It is easy to get swept up in the humdrum of everyday life and not make time for online dating. When this happens, your match may leave you on read, ghost you, or tell you that they are busy.
Of course, if this happens frequently, they may not be in a space to have a relationship. However, sometimes things just get in the way – when this happens, if your match is genuinely interested in you, they will offer to pick up the conversation at a later time.
Your best course of action here would be to show as much grace and understanding as possible. In fact, in all of the scenarios we have described, your sense of dignity is your best friend. Take everything you hear on the nose, and try to give people the benefit of the doubt as much as possible.
Of course, nothing should stop you from moving on, so if your match always seems to be busy, simply remove yourself from the situation – if they are interested, they will come to you.
Being told that your match is too busy is by no means your cue to give up. Of course, if the conversation has ground to a halt and you do not feel as if any effort is being reciprocated, it would be healthier to move on. But if it is still early days, you may have a chance of getting – and holding – their attention.
The first step you can take is actually not taking any steps at all. Do not send 10 follow-up texts unless you want to come off as needy. Instead, show them that your life is already good and that you want to make them a part of it.
Restraint is an underappreciated virtue when it comes to online dating – do your best to exercise it.
Once the dust has settled on your previous conversation, you can open up the chat again. Try to find out when they will be free, and invite them to participate in an interesting activity (going to an exhibit, for example). There are a handful of different approaches you could take, and they are best described in a previous post of ours.
If you still find yourself struggling to win your match’s affections, continuing to push them to engage with you will not work. Let a couple of days pass by – they may have met someone else in the meantime, but that is just the nature of online dating.
Everyone has been for coffee, everyone has been to see a movie, and everyone has had dinner. Sometimes, a girl may only say she is busy because she does not like your idea of a date – so think outside of the box. Offer creative suggestions as to what you two can do together.
Additionally, do not hesitate to invite them to existing plans of yours. This way, regardless of whether or not they show up, you will still be able to enjoy yourself.
Your match will most likely be far more receptive to your efforts.
Sometimes it helps to fight fire with fire. Most people simply cannot handle the stress of having someone constantly pine after them – do not be that someone. Your world does not – and should not – revolve around your match. If they initiate conversation and you are too busy, let them know but offer to speak later. Most will appreciate your assertiveness.
The online dating world is vast and expansive, so get out there and talk to some other people as well. The chances are that most of them may not quite be your cup of tea – eventually, though, you will find someone to connect with.
Having a girl tell you that she is too busy to speak or hang out is not the end of the world. It is often a call to action – either you need to step up your game, or you need to find someone else to speak to. We will leave you to decide which applies to your situation.
If you are having trouble writing a good profile, feel free to use our online dating profile writing services. We help both men and women curate the perfect profile. We also offer text message feedback, which can help you improve your conversations.