A date can go phenomenally, but if you don’t get a follow-up text, it can shatter your feelings about the relationship. Luckily, it doesn’t always mean that she’s not interested.
This guide will explain how to know what it means when you don’t get a post-date text, when to respond, and what to say. By the end, you’ll know exactly how to handle this situation in the future.
If she hasn’t texted you after a date, it can mean a few different things – but it’s important to evaluate the date to understand the reasoning. The most common reasons for post-date radio silence are:
- She doesn’t know how to take the next step
- She’s waiting for you
- She’s not interested in a romantic relationship
Consider the end of the date. Did she offer the idea that she would text you after the date, or are you assuming that she will? Did it end with a kiss or hug, or an awkward wave? If the date ended on a good note, then you probably don’t have anything to worry about.
Some girls will text you a kind FYI that they’re not interested, like the person in the conversation above. If that happens, it’s always important to handle it gracefully, unlike he did. He should have been much more polite and said something like:
- That’s a bummer, but I understand! Good luck with everything.
- I’m sorry to hear that because I really enjoyed your company. Take care – I wish you the best!
If she said she would text you after the first date but doesn’t follow through, there are a few options. You can either text her first, give her a phone call, or wait until she reaches out..
First, take a look at the reasons why a girl doesn’t text after a date up above. Then, do some recon to determine how to handle the situation. Depending on how much texting and messaging you did before your date, you should take a look at the messages you’ve exchanged. Then, you can see how long it usually takes her to respond, how often you talk, and the tone she usually has. With that information, it should be easier to determine why she didn’t text, which will let you know whether you should text her first.
The second date can be a bump in the road for any relationship. A first date is filled with excited jitters and simple get-to-know-you conversations, but the second date can be even more nerve-wracking.
Because of that, sometimes the connection fizzles after the second date. You’re both trying to decide if you want to go on a third, and continue to put effort into the new relationship. That can make texting drier, as it’s more awkward and even less interesting.
Take a look at this conversation. Things got dry, and though he tried to change it by asking for another date, she said she wasn’t available. He should follow up by asking her what specific days she might be available or inviting her out to an event he planning to go to. For example:
- What about Tuesday? We can head to that place on 18th street!
- I’m heading to this new bar on Friday for happy hour, they have 2 dollar beers if you want to come with!
- I’m going to a concert next Thursday – you might really like them and I’d love you to join!
However, if you’re experiencing slow texting with someone you initially connected with, you can do some work to improve the relationship. Follow these steps, and you might see a difference in how you’re communicating.
The issue might be that you two feel like there’s nothing left to talk about. But if you’ve only been on two dates, you barely know each other – there’s certainly more to discuss.
To ward off that feeling, you should go back to the basics and send some openers and conversation starters. You can either keep it simple with questions like “How was your day?” or “Are you doing anything fun this weekend?” or, you can try something more involved, like:
- Have you listened to the new Adele album? She always comes through!
- What’s your favorite place to get a burger around here? I’m on the hunt.
- Would you ever volunteer to move to a new planet if our civilization depended on it?
Second-date jitters can make things feel more serious, but keeping things light is the best practice in these early stages of the relationship. Send some jokes, funny questions, and TV show recommendations.
It’s better not to focus on the future of your relationship when you first get to know each other. Instead of repeatedly asking about a third date, or how she feels about you, you can stay positive and casual. There will be time to get serious later.
If worse comes to worse, a phone call is always better than a text. Especially if conversations seem to be going a little bit slowly, taking it to the phone or video call will ease some of the texting tension.
That’s what these two did. Instead of going for another IRL date, they went with a short phone call, which can open the relationship up to more.
When a girl says no to a phone call, it doesn’t always mean she isn’t interested. She could just be stressed on the phone, or prefer to talk in person. But give it a go, and you might find that you have a nice time on your virtual hang. Ask her with a short text like:
- Hey! Give me a call sometime, I have a funny story from work I want to tell you!
- How’s your day going? If you have time for a Facetime I’d love to see your face.
- We should have a phone chat sometime! I’m not really a huge fan of texting.
One of the most common questions I get from my clients is whether it’s a good idea to double text someone. My answer always depends on the nature of the relationship. If you find yourself in a situation where you aren’t sure if you should double text, consider four things:
- How long you’ve been seeing each other: If it’s a new relationship, I advise waiting until you get a response so as not to overwhelm them.
- How much they usually text you: If they’ve double texted you on other occasions, it’s safe to send another text even if they haven’t texted back.
- The context of the last text: Did you ask a question in the last text, or make a joke? If there is something for her to respond to, like a question, joke, or story in your last text, then you should wait on texting again. But, if the conversation ended on a dull note and they haven’t texted you back, go ahead and send another.
- The length of time between messages: Always err on the side of caution. If it’s been three hours and they haven’t texted back, don’t send another text just yet. But, if it’s been a day or so, you can send another text.
This person double texted when they hadn’t gotten a response. While they waited a good amount of time between texts, they should see that after 3 unanswered texts, the match just isn’t interested in pursuing a relationship.
When a girl says “Let me get back to you,” it might sound like a rejection. While that can absolutely be the case, it’s not always true. Sometimes, girls will say “Let me get back to you” because they are busy, or because they do want to take a moment to think and evaluate the relationship.
Regardless of the reason, it’s important that you give her adequate space. Don’t double or triple text her, asking her when she’s going to get back to you. That will only push her away. Instead, wait calmly, and in the meantime, you can explore your other options on Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble by making an attractive profile for future matches, if needed.
If you have a great date but don’t get a text, don’t jump to the worst conclusion. It’s hard to know what to do in these situations without the help of a professional. But if you find yourself wondering what the right move is, I can help with personalized online dating services.
Whether it’s building an attractive dating profile to get more matches and dates, or coaching you through a texting conversation, I’m here to support your online dating success.