Occasionally, someone will toss you a curveball. When things seem like they are going well, you should be on your guard. Netizens – and people who frequent sites like Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble, to name a few – are notoriously fickle.
For example, you may have established a rapport with an attractive person online. The banter flies freely between the two of you, and it seems that – if you play your cards right – you may get a chance to ask them out. They hit you with an age-old excuse when you do, “I’m busy.” How should you respond?
Although it can seem as though all is lost when a girl says that she is busy, there are a few things that you should consider before throwing in the towel. The “I’m busy” excuse may be just an excuse or it could be the truth. By examining your earlier conversations, you can find out which one it is, and adjust your own response accordingly.
In this post, we will teach you how to discern between one and the other based on various cues. We will also show you how you can and should respond to messages like this, so keep reading to up your game.
When a girl says that she is busy, it could mean a variety of different things. Knowing which applies to your specific situation will inform you how best to approach the girl in question.
If a girl says that she is busy, it could be a polite way of rejecting your advances. Of course, no one wants to hear this, but it is still essential to understand: people online are frivolous – they will often keep chatting to you out of boredom or sympathy, with no real intention of ever going out with you.
Naturally, your first instinct may be to look inward. Look through your chat to see if you said something wrong or offensive. If you did, the chances are it was a big turn-off for the other person.
In this case, damage control is possible, but your effort would probably be better spent elsewhere. However, what is more likely is that the other person was never interested at all. Look through your chat again and take note of how they reply. If their responses are short and disinterested, it should be clear that “I’m busy” is a euphemism for “I’m not interested.”
The world of online dating moves quickly, so you need to be even quicker. Although it may seem better to get to know someone as much as possible before meeting them, the energy it takes to do this should be conserved.
If you are new to online dating, however, you may have made the mistake of taking too long to make a move. Your conversations may have started sweet, and you may have also enjoyed some banter. After a while, though, you may have noticed a dip in the quality of conversations.
Although you may have said something wrong (see above), it is more likely that the person you have been speaking to has met someone else and may have already gone on a date with them. Their reluctance to engage in conversation – when before they were eager to speak to you – may signify that they want to pursue a relationship with someone else.
In this case, “I’m busy” is an excuse, especially if they make no further attempts at conversation afterward.
Not every online dater is familiar with all the rules you should be following. Although we recommend asking someone out within three days of first speaking to them, some may prefer to take a little longer before agreeing to meet.
These people may seem like tough shells to crack, but as long as you keep up the quality of your conversations without putting too much pressure on them, they will come around eventually.
In this case, the person you are speaking to may be completely forthright about their hesitation. If they are not, make sure that they still engage in your conversations and participate in banter. If they do not, they may be saying “I’m busy” for one of the other reasons we have already covered.
This last one should seem obvious, but it is entirely possible that when a girl says she is busy, she means it.
However, just because she says that she is busy does not mean that she is not interested. If you are wondering whether or not this is true, consider how well your conversations have been going. If they continue to go well, you should be safe to ask her out again soon.
The best indication of whether or not she is telling the truth is how she follows up. If she is interested, she will offer another date to see you. It is as cut and dry as that.
There are various ways in which you can respond to a girl when she says that she is busy. However, the best option would be to examine the exact circumstances under which she says that, then curate your response accordingly.
If a girl tells you that she already has plans, the best thing you can do is be amicable. If everything has been going well, there is no reason to lose your cool and destroy everything you have built.
Firstly, you should wish her well. Tell her that you hope that she enjoys herself. Whatever you say, please do not ask what she will be doing or who she will see, as this will make you seem paranoid. She will tell you when you see each other if she wants to.
After that, suggest another date to see her. Be proactive and suggest a few places that you would like to go to and some activities that the two of you might enjoy together. Try to find out her schedule so that you can suggest dates and times that will accommodate her. If all goes well, she will agree to your plans. If not, simply let it be for the time being and focus your attention elsewhere. Again, do not be pushy.
Being stood up is never pleasant, even if you have already built up immunity to it. Sometimes a girl may agree to see you, only to renege at the very last second. When this happens, do not lose your cool.
She may supply a variety of different excuses, such as an emergency or sickness. Similar to the situation we described previously, you should not put any pressure on her. Tell her that you hope she is alright and can always reschedule your date.
If she does not follow up with you after that, the chances are that she is not interested. Focus your attention elsewhere and move on. However, if she attempts to speak to you afterward, the chances are that she was telling the truth. At this point, you can suggest other dates to see her and gently inquire as to what happened when she stood you up.
If you have asked a girl out and she says she will see you next time, you should put your foot on the brakes. It could be that you asked her out too soon, or she is not ready to commit to seeing you.
In either case, do not immediately ask when you can see her. Please give it a while, another three days perhaps, and make sure that your conversations still run smoothly. Keep her engaged by telling her about your day and sending funny photos or memes. If she still seems interested after these next three days, feel free to ask her out again.
With these suggestions and considerations in mind, you should have no trouble identifying a girl’s intentions when she says she is busy.
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