Are you chatting with someone online who seems interested in you but never texts first? Does she show you she wants to have a relationship but then never follow through with texts?
It can be frustrating to figure out someone’s interest level when they never give you anything to work with over text. But before you decide to give up on the relationship, take a look at this guide to learn more about what might really be going on.
If she seems interested but doesn’t text, there are a few things that might be affecting your texting relationship. Texting can be stressful for some people. Just like how you’re sitting by your phone fretting about her text, she may be doing the same thing.
The only difference is, she’s so nervous she can’t even send the text. But that’s not the only reason why you’re not getting a message. Let’s take a look at some possibilities:
We all have busy lives, and whenever things get super swamped, online relationships and texting suffer. Some people just forget about texting when their work or social life gets busy. It’s unfortunate but possible.
In the conversation above, you can see that she was busy for a few days, but eventually got back to the guy. She is most likely telling the truth, based on the length of her reply.
While you may know that it’s good etiquette to text dates, friends, partners, and acquaintances back quickly, not everyone believes in that. She may be of the mind that texting isn’t that important, and it’s fine to rarely reply. If that’s the case, you have to decide if it’s a dealbreaker for you.
Again, texting anxiety is a real thing. When someone stresses about texting, they can become so severely anxious that they decide not to text at all. If you just matched on an online dating app like OkCupid, Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble, she may just be nervous about making a good impression. You can help ease her anxiety by telling her you feel the same with a casual text like:
- I get so stressed about thinking of something to say over text but want to chat with you!
- Do you ever get texting anxiety? I do but I’m trying to power through!
- Let’s play a game to get past the “first text” stress. How about 20 questions?
Not everyone keeps their notifications on for apps like Tinder, OkCupid, Hinge, or Bumble. If you messaged a girl on one of these apps but didn’t hear back, it could be because she hasn’t checked the app in a while, like this person:
When a girl never texts first, it makes you wonder whether she’s really interested. She may have made it clear with her words or the way she acts in person, but if she doesn’t initiate, you’re still left questioning whether she’s into you.
If you’re having to keep a dry conversation going and send all the conversation starters, then there are a few things to try:
- Send an opener that will get her to open up: One reason she’s not texting first could just be because she isn’t sure how to continue the conversation. By choosing a really interesting, even surprising conversation starter, you can take some of the pressure off of her to send the “perfect” text.
- Take a break from sending the first text: Habits are hard to break. If you’ve set up a system where you always send the first text, she’s probably just in the routine of waiting for a text from you. Change things up by waiting until she sends the first text, then quickly responding to show her that the conversation will go smoothly that way too.
- Move the conversation away from texting: Texting isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. When you notice that she never texts first, try moving things away from texting to a phone call, facetime, voice message, or IRL date.
The person in the conversation above moved it from texting to a real-life date, and it worked out! Even though she wasn’t texting first initially, now they have a date planned where they can really connect.
It’s disheartening when you’re always the one to text first. It may feel like you’re putting in all the effort and she’s not showing she cares. I tell clients of my online dating services that there are three options: stop texting first and wait to see what happens, continue messaging first, or move things away from texting.
If you’re really tired of texting first and feel like you’ve put in enough work by sending thoughtful icebreakers and text messages, then you can decide to stop. You’ll have to wait and see – she may start to text you first, or she might just turn to soft ghosting, or liking your last text without sending a response. If you get ghosted, it’s time to move back to the apps and on to the next match.
The other options are to continue texting first, perhaps using a unique opener that will prompt her to open up. Last, you can move away from texting by asking her to chat offline or over the phone. Send something like:
- Are you free for a phone call this week? I would love to chat but I know texting takes a lot of time.
- Do you like to voice message? Sometimes I think it’s more fun than texting – I’d love to connect that way!
- What’s your schedule like next week? Can I take you out to lunch sometime, I know a great spot downtown!
Trying to generate a relationship over text can be difficult. When your online crush never texts first, it can feel like you’re screaming into the void. You might start to wonder if there’s any chance they’re interested. So how can you tell if they are? There are a few things to check.
When someone consistently responds, it’s usually a good sign that they’re interested in you. Look back into your text history to verify if she’s responded to most of your text messages. If that’s the case, then there’s a good chance that she wants to have a relationship.
However, you can see in the conversation above that though she always responds, her replies are short. Next, you’ll see why that’s not a good sign.
An even better sign than consistent responses is the length of responses. If she sends short, one-word answers in her replies, it’s not a good sign. But, if the replies are long and have questions, jokes, or other flirty comments in them, you can be sure that she’s interested.
This conversation is a great example of a person who consistently responds, but isn’t really saying much in her messages. She likely isn’t interested based on how short her responses are, so he should move on to a new Tinder match.
If you’ve gone through the list above and noticed that she always texts back with long, thoughtful answers, that’s a great sign. Even if she doesn’t text first, you can tell that she’s interested based on how much effort she puts into those replies.
Now that you know she’s likely interested, it’s time to make the jump from only texting to something more. Try sending something like: “Hey, are you free for dinner this week? I would love to connect in person!”
Texting and messaging can be hard, especially if you don’t know what you’re doing. That’s why it’s better to have the help of a professional. I offer online dating services to walk you through the confusing steps of messaging, texting, and dating.
I can also help you write a profile that is attractive to potential matches, so you can get more matches, dates, and replies. Learn more about how you can have the relationship of your dreams using my strategies.