He stood me up and acts like nothing happened. A young lady sits by herself at the bar, having a glass of wine.

He Stood You Up and Acts Like Nothing Happened (What To Do?)

Dating can be difficult and can take a real chunk of confidence to psych yourself up to meeting up with someone for a date, especially when you’re excited to see your boyfriend. It’s a whole process – from chatting and getting their attention and keeping the conversation alive long enough to arrange a meet-up, to deciding what to wear and getting to your date location. You’d expect the least your date or boyfriend could do is show up, right?

There’s nothing worse than the feeling of checking the time constantly and realizing that they might not actually appear. We’ve all been there, experiencing the emotional lows and the knock to our self-confidence, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of – but when a guy stands you up, what does it mean, and how should you deal with it?

Well, let’s take a closer look so you know what to do if someone stands you up on your first date. 

He Stood Me Up and Acts Like Nothing Happened. What Should I Do?

A woman wearing a white shirt sits at a window ledge in a cafe, gazing out the window.


Firstly, it’s important to not blame yourself when a guy stands you up – you’re not at fault for their broken word. Next, it’s important to establish the reason behind why you’ve been stood up – are you being ghosted, or does he have a valid reason for leaving you alone? The best way to establish this is by messaging him. If he comes back quickly with an apology and a reason, you may choose to let go of the hurt and forgive him.

Does he take a long time to reply? It could mean a number of things.

If his reason seems like an excuse or if you don’t get a reply at all, he may be ghosting you and it’s time to cut your losses and move on, even if it means facing a breakup. It’s important to value yourself and your emotions, and understand your worth – and being left sitting alone at a restaurant, bar, or café is not part of this. If you think the person is ignoring your messages, block them so they can’t contact you down the line – they are not worth it.

There is no single answer to what you should do – it’s up to you and how you feel about how your relationship is progressing. If you think it’s a one-off, you can move on. If however, you think there has been some dry conversation and lack of effort, move on and find someone who will treat you like you should be treated and keep their promise to you, instead of dealing with a jerk that brings grief or sadness into your life. Remember, your family, best friends, and the lessons from past friendships can be a valuable source of support and advice during these challenging times.

If the issues are more complex and you want to resolve them on a deeper level, seeking out a therapist with whom you feel comfortable may be a viable option. There are many types of therapists, including psychotherapists and psychologists, who are trained to help you resolve your personal and emotional issues and find effective ways to deal with them in future relationships.

Find out what to text someone who is losing interest.

He Stood Me up Last Minute. Should I Forgive Him?

A young woman in a white tank top and ripped jeans stands by a brick wall, focused on her phone.


Let’s be honest – when he stands you up, you’ll feel a level of embarrassment that’ll definitely knock your confidence and increase your insecurity. Additionally, you might also experience guilt, questioning whether you did something wrong or contributed to the situation. Therefore, don’t let your date get off lightly – especially if there’s no good explanation as to why he left you waiting. It’s a moment that calls for compassion not just for him but also for yourself.

There’s definitely no right answer to whether you should forgive him or not – it will depend on the circumstances and how confident you feel about a future together. Relationships should be based on trust and honesty, but no one is perfect. Most of us make mistakes and need a second chance. For instance, if he couldn’t show up due to an emergency, like his mom having an accident or his apartment springing a leak, that’s more understandable. However, if it wasn’t an emergency and he just forgot because he was picking up a gift for a close friend’s birthday from high school, that’s unacceptable. 

Discover what to do if he rejects you but continues to text.

Before deciding whether you should forgive him and consider a second date, it’s important to understand the reason behind why you were left waiting alone. The best way to do this is to ask him directly and state how it made you feel. This will allow you to gauge whether there’s truly a future for your relationship. Think about if there is a good reason for his behavior, and whether this incident was out of character.

What to Text When a Guy Stands You Up

A text conversation where one person asks why the other didn't show up, and the reply explains a hectic workweek.

After you’ve heard the explanation of why he stood me up and ghosted me, it’s up to you to see whether you accept what he has to say. If you do, and you want to forgive him, it’s important to let go of the regret, anxiety, and the knock to your self-esteem, and not to bring it up constantly as this will lead to tension. If you’re willing to forgive and try to develop a real relationship, you need to move on and take your next date as a fresh start.

If, on the other hand, you aren’t willing to forgive him for his bad behavior the last time he stood you up, then it’s best to DM him and let him know sooner rather than later so you can both move on. He certainly won’t make the same mistake in the future!

He Stood Me Up and Didn’t Text – Find the Inspiration to Set Boundaries

So, you’re sitting at a restaurant waiting for your date to show up. The minutes pass, and soon it’s been 45 minutes. You’ve texted, you’ve called, but you’ve had no reply to your question of “why this guy stood me up”. Firstly, it’s time to get up and leave – no one should leave you waiting, especially if they haven’t communicated that they’re running late.

If you’ve already sent some messages and called them with no response, don’t communicate further with them the day you’ve been stood up. Instead, wait until the next day and send them a casual text, letting them know that they’re in the wrong – especially for not communicating with you. Take a look at the message below for an idea of what to say.

A text conversation where one person explains they were disappointed that there date didn't show up.

The text above will either receive no response, which means you know to stop communication and walk away, or you will receive an apology – either way, you’ll know the answer to that burning question of “why did he stand me up”. Firstly, it’s time to get up and leave – no one should leave you waiting, especially if they haven’t communicated that they’re running late, because your dignity and time are valuable.

If you really like the person and think there is a genuine reason for their no-show, you could take a different approach and send them a message (direct, Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter will all work) that they may find enticing or intriguing, using social media as a means of communication.

A text conversation where one person says their dinner being delicious and asked why the other didn't show up.

Does not replying to his texts make him want you more? Let’s take a closer look.

He Stood Me Up and Never Called: What To Do

If he stood you up and didn’t bother to call, but did message you, this may be because he’s otherwise engaged and can’t speak on the phone. There may be a family emergency or he may be held up at work. If he messaged you, see this as a good sign that he still wants to make the effort and communicate with you.

If, on the other hand, you receive no message and no call, either cut ties there or take our advice above and ask for a reason. You can then decide whether to see him again or not.

How To Get Revenge On Someone Who Stood You Up

Woman in a green coat and sunglasses standing between buildings looking at her watch.


Are you wondering how to treat a man that stands you up? Let’s be honest, the best revenge is moving on with your life and showing them what they’re missing. If you don’t see a future in the relationship because they have disrespected you or he keeps standing you up, block them, and jump back into the dating pool – this type of behavior verges on emotional abuse. Use dating apps to meet people with a similar mindset, as this will allow you to find someone who wants to show up to your dates and values your company.

The Take-Away

Relationships can be intricate, particularly when they involve balancing time for one another and maintaining that special spark. If you’ve ever found yourself stood up by a guy, our comprehensive guide above highlights various potential reasons behind such actions. Ultimately, the decision of whether to grant them a second chance rests with you. However, in all your considerations, never forget your self-worth. To ensure they understand that you won’t tolerate being stood up repeatedly, make use of the conversation examples provided earlier and draw insights from past experiences to cultivate healthier relationships. This is especially important if you’re navigating the challenges of dating as a single parent post-divorce, where considerations for your kids add an extra layer of complexity to the mix.

Through my personalized text messaging and conversation coaching, I can assist you in effectively communicating with someone you’re dating or in making a compelling first impression on dating apps, should you be ready to dive back into the dating scene. My Complete Online Dating Success Guide is also a valuable resource for improving your dating life.

If you’re looking to meet someone new, I can help you to improve your dating profile, personalizing their dating bios and crafting engaging conversation starters for a variety of dating apps. Regardless of the app you select, whether it’s Hinge, Tinder, or Bumble, I’m here to guide you through the intriguing and sometimes perplexing world of dating.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


  1. Desert Knight says:

    It is interesting that every article that I’ve read on this topic, including this one, specifies the male is the culprit of the immature, rude, and disrespectful behaviour of standing someone up.
    As mentioned, there is a huge schedule change to accept a date requested not to mention the joy of being asked as well as an expected good time. Finding out later that SHE doesn’t show up for the date she requested and took a workday off for is almost criminal. And this coming from a “mature” age professional woman that gave a lame excuse nearly 10hrs later from a planned all day get-together and showing up two hours before midnight then saying “I’m sorry I’ve got to go. I have work tomorrow”.
    What I’m saying here is- it’s becoming more common for a woman to do this crap too (women at all tiers of profession) and it affects the male in a very negative way as well (even if they are Alphas or Sigmas). Regardless if it’s a male our female doing this, they need called out on it. Do them a favor and expose them, as politely as possible, because humiliation (preferably light humiliation) is the only cure for this type of poor upbringing.

    1. Hi Desert,

      You’re completely right. The behavior goes for both guys and girls and should never be tolerated. I’ve had a few dates do this to me and it’s never fun.

      This article focused on the girl’s experience but I am planning to write one focused on the guy’s perspective in the future too.