Online dating is stressful enough, but the simple act of typing the first message can be the scariest part. This guide will help you find a message that breaks the ice and shows your personality to any new match.
I’ll also be providing you with OkCupid conversation examples, openers, and intro messages that get responses.
What’s a good first message on OkCupid?
A great first message on OkCupid will tell the person a little bit about you and give them room to keep the conversation going. The best way to immediately connect with a match is to find something in common and open the door for more conversation.
To get the best results, you should put thought into the message to make it personalized for your match. A thoughtful question, a unique joke, or a chat about something you have in common will make the conversation flow easily.
What should I say in the first message?
Your first message should always be personalized for the match. Avoid bland, universal statements like “What’s up?” or “Hey!” Even though these are open-ended, they don’t make the recipient feel special. It might even seem like you’re not trying.
Instead, show your personality! Most people on dating apps want to get to know someone quickly. A well-crafted conversation starter can do the job in just a single message, so you’ll have no trouble continuing the chat. Still not sure where to start?
Here are the best hacks to success on OkCupid.
How do you start a conversation on OkCupid?
OkCupid is a great place to meet romantic partners and even friends! But opening a conversation can be hard when you don’t know where to start.
Boring openings like “Hey” or “What are you up to?” rarely have the intended effect. There isn’t very much to go off of with a one-word message! Instead, try one of these three methods for OkCupid messages that get responses.
1. Ask a Question
By asking a thoughtful question, you open the door for a more interesting conversation. Just like in IRL dating, questions are the best way to let someone open up. And, giving someone the chance to tell you about themselves is the only way you can learn if you’re interested in them. It’s also the number one way to find a connection.
Try something like, “Where is that beach pic from?” or “What did you get up to this weekend?” to start. When they answer the first question, they’ll likely return the favor and ask you about yourself.
Here are some reasons why you’re not getting replies on OkCupid.
2. Make a Personalized Joke
Find something in their profile that stands out to you. Maybe they have a great picture with an adorable pup or a reference to a movie in their bio. With a simple joke or pun, you can easily show off your stellar sense of humor like in this OkCupid doubletake message.
If you can’t find a pun about their name like this guy, search online for some cute jokes or tell one of your favorites. Just make sure you choose a joke that’s kind and fits your personality. Thinking of a casual joke could get you a laugh – or a response!
3. Find a way to connect
If you liked their profile, chances are you have something in common! Finding similarities is the most important thing to advance a new relationship or friendship. Think about what in their profile attracted you.
Do they have a reference to your favorite show in their bio? Or are they doing an activity you enjoy in some of their pictures? It doesn’t have to be something huge like sharing core values – it can be as small as a shared love of dogs. Go with that by sending a message like, “Wow, you’re a fan of ______? Me too!” and you’ll be able to chat for hours.
If you need help with your conversations, my text message coaching services can help.
How do you introduce yourself on a dating site?
Now you have some tips about sending the first message, but should you introduce yourself on a dating site? There are plenty of reasons to send an OkCupid intro message. It’s an easy way to break the ice, it lets your match know who you are, and makes it easier for them to send a message back.
The best way to introduce yourself on a dating site is to keep it simple and share one or two things about yourself. You don’t want to overwhelm them with a ton of information about your life, but you want to give them a little peek into your world.
A dating app introduction doesn’t look like a real-life intro. On OkCupid, your match already knows your name and where you’re from. Instead, send an intro message that says what you like to do for fun and asks them a question too.
I see you’re a fan of rock climbing! I’ve never been, but I love to hike. Have you been hiking around here?
Have you seen any good movies lately? I love going to the theatre so I’m always looking for recommendations.
Cool pictures from Spain! I’m a huge traveler and Spain is next on my list, what spots do I absolutely have to check out?
Being interested in your match and asking interesting questions maximizes your chances of getting a number and date.
Read my complete online dating success guide to transform your love life.
How do you reply on OkCupid?
So you have the first message and introduction out of the way. What about replying on OkCupid? It can be frustrating when a conversation feels like it’s going dry. If they didn’t ask a question or leave you much to go on, it might seem like the conversation is done.
But don’t lose hope! If you’re in this position and want it to keep going, there are a few things you can do to keep chatting.
How do you chat with someone on OkCupid?
1. Ask more questions
Again, the easiest way to keep a conversation going is to ask questions. See what they’re into and where they grew up – find something in common!
Try to ask open-ended questions (what, how, why, where) instead of closed-ended questions (yes/no). Open-ended questions allow the person to answer in a variety of different ways and encourage them to put more thought into their answer.
“What’s your favorite movie?” is better than “Do you like watching movies?”
“Do you like to travel?” doesn’t give as much to go off of as “If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and why?”
By asking open-ended questions, you give your match an opportunity to share more about themselves.
But, if you start to feel like all you’re doing is asking questions with no reciprocation, skip to the next tip.
2. Share about yourself
Chatting is a two-way street! It can’t just consist of you asking questions without sharing about yourself. Try sending a message or two about you, what you like to do, what you’re up to, or even your weekend plans.
Here are some ways you can casually move the conversation to something deeper:
Do you have any fun weekend plans? I’m meeting up with friends for dinner and a concert, really looking forward to it!
I’ve been living here for a few years and really love the city but I’m always looking for new restaurants to check out. Any suggestions?
I just recently got into yoga! It’s been really great to exercise and do some meditating. Have you ever done it before?
3. Be honest
If you’re still struggling with how to reply to a match, or the conversation is dying, be honest. You can be upfront about how you want to keep chatting or would love to have a phone call. Most people appreciate honesty and vulnerability, even on a dating app.
Take a chance like this person and it might work out for you! It’s always better, to be honest, and unsuccessful than let a conversation die without giving it a shot. There are multiple ways to go:
I would really like to keep chatting with you but I’m all running out of my go-to conversation topics! Any suggestions about what I can bring up next?
I’ve been having fun chatting here but would love to get to know you better. Are you free for a phone call sometime this week?
Besides being honest, here are the best way to stand out on OkCupid.
How do you talk to girls on OkCupid?
Talking to members of the opposite gender can be tricky. To talk to girls on OkCupid, the most important thing to keep in mind is to be genuine, be yourself, and be confident. Girls and guys alike appreciate a person who knows who they are and what they want.
If you look at it with the right mindset, talking to girls on OkCupid can be just as easy as talking to your buddy. However, there are a few things that might make it easier:
- Send thoughtful messages
- Have a sense of humor
- Be sincere
Work on showing her your intelligence and charm with a casual introduction, some jokes, and questions about her life and interests. She’ll quickly feel connected, and it will be easy to move forward.
There are a million different OkCupid messages that work – you just have to find the one that’s right for you.
Your first message on OkCupid should show your personality and allow the conversation to keep going. Try telling a joke, asking a question, or introducing yourself. Finding a way to connect is a great way to help the conversation flow.
After you’ve sent the first message, allow your match to respond, and then use the tips I offered to help craft your reply. The most essential part of any conversation is being yourself, being genuine, and getting to know each other!
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