The world of online dating moves at a rapid pace that can be tough to keep up with for newcomers. Relationships are built almost entirely upon first impressions, forcing users to constantly pay attention to what they say and how they present themselves because – for the most part – there are no second chances.
In this guide, we’ve equipped you with a handful of tips, tricks, and charming icebreakers to make the search for love that much easier, especially when it comes to Coffee Meets Bagel which can be unforgiving to newcomers.
Like the slew of dating apps that came both before and after it, Coffee Meets Bagel (CBM) utilizes a matching system whereby two users who like each other’s profiles may chat with one another. The catch is that, on CBM, those users have only 7 days to get to know each other, exchange numbers, and organize a date.
Needless to say, this limited time frame rewards users who can be quick on their feet and establish a rapport within the first few messages. Other users may not be so lucky.
While CMB gives you a week to get to know your match and ask them out, it is actually recommended that you organize a date within the first three days or, at the very least, exchange numbers. This gives your matches even less time to find someone else and instead lets them focus all of their attention and effort on you.
This is why it is so important to have a good opener locked and ready for your match. By starting strong, you can build rapport and establish relationships much quicker, substantially improving your chances of actually finding a date. It also helps to streamline the entire process a bit; by cutting out all the fluff and small talk, you can strike right at the heart of the matter, and prevent wasting both your own time and that of your matches.
While anybody can copy and paste an icebreaker from the Internet, it takes a lot more than that to actually be noticed in the world of online dating. You need to know exactly what it is that you are doing and why it works in order to really sell yourself with some confidence.
Fortunately, we have come up with a handful of best practices for you to adhere to when you are starting a conversation. By following these guidelines, the people that you match with and message are going to notice you much quicker, and recognize you as the type of person that they would like to go out with.
Before you can even think about writing an opening message, you should first think about who it is that you are messaging. On apps like Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel, it is all too easy to fall into a pattern of blindly swiping left or right based on appearance alone. While physical attraction is certainly important, you should not be messaging anyone solely because they have a hot body and a pretty face.
Instead, once you have a handful of matches, read through each of their profiles and try to gauge which ones you are most likely to be compatible with. After all, matching with someone is not even half the battle – you need to win them over as well, and you are more likely to win someone over with whom you have a lot in common.
Once you have decided who it is that you want to get to know, you can finally start thinking about the approaches you can take.
While this first approach may seem obvious, it is no less effective. Complimenting a match is one of the easiest – and quickest – ways to get into their good books and ultimately, their heart as well.
When giving a compliment to someone who is otherwise a complete stranger, there are a few ground rules for you to follow. Firstly, while it may seem slick and charming, it is important for you to avoid complimenting your match’s body, which can make you seem shallow and only interested in their looks.
Instead, you should endeavor to be specific and tasteful. Compliment your match on certain aspects of their appearance, such as their eyes or their likeness to an obscure actress. Alternatively, if you see something that you like in their dating bio – such as a certain hobby or interest – be sure to mention it in your opening message. Additionally, be tasteful in your approach – choose your words carefully while keeping the message short and sweet.
Admittedly, being funny can be tricky to pull off with so many places that you can easily go wrong. Most people make the mistake of going for dark and edgy humor, or opening with a dad joke, both of which are not very effective save against a very niche audience.
Rather, if you choose the humorous approach, aim for charm and a chuckle. Do not be vulgar or crude, but try to show off some of your more reserved comedic chops. Additionally, if your match has a humorous bio, try to mimic the style of humor that they present for optimal results. If you are really struggling to come up with something, you can always fall back on a tried-and-tested corny pick-up line, for example: “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put ‘U’ and ‘I’ together.”
This opener displays a lot of confidence in addition to wit. Try to combine a few of these approaches for the best results.
There is no doubt about it – confidence is one of the most attractive traits you can have. It is also incredibly easy to display online.
Being confident shows your matches that you are here to have a good time, regardless of whether or not they accept you. Confidence is crucial to standing out from the online dating crowd, even if it means showing overconfidence rather than none at all. You can display confidence in your choice of words: do not beat around the bush, cut to the chase on what it is that you want out of this conversation (in this case, a date) without being brash. Be sure of yourself, and your match will pick up on your confidence.
Most people online will be receptive to your cool and casual responses – again, just make sure that you do not say anything creepy or untoward.
The ultimate goal of a strong opening line is to invite more conversation and establish a rapport before you meet your match in person. Many people make the mistake of giving one-word replies or vague, uninspired responses, thus leading to the conversation quickly fizzling out before it even has time to get off the ground.
An easy way to counteract this is to ask engaging, thoughtful questions. This does not mean debating philosophical conundrums; rather, you should ask questions specifically related to your match.
The way you formulate these questions will vary, but a good source of inspiration is to look through your match’s profile and see if there is anything that interests you. It could be anything; for example, if their bio states that they have been to France, ask them what it was like and why they went. This forces them to truly engage as they think of an answer. It also endears you to your match because it shows that you took the time to read their bio.
Ultimately, the best thing you can do – not just in your opening message, but in all conversations thereafter – is to be true to yourself, which is surprisingly a lot easier said than done. Many people on sites like Tinder and CMB maintain an online persona that they can struggle to get away from; conversely, many more people are often too forthcoming with their deepest, darkest secrets.
You should strive to straddle the line between these two extremes. While you should still maintain your online image, you should also be careful to not get caught up in it. When starting a conversation, it can be useful to simply be honest in your feelings towards someone without the cool detachment that most users attempt to display.
For example, if you have been reluctant to use a dating app before this, let your match know that you are a bit uncertain of how to act but that you think that they are very attractive in a sweet and genuine way. Unlike most social networking sites, the point of Coffee Meets Bagel is to eventually meet your matches in person, so it does not help to pretend to be someone that you are not. Again, this relates to confidence; be confident in who you are, and believe that you will find your perfect match eventually.
Opening lines can be very tricky, but with these guidelines (and examples) you should be able to come up with your own on the fly. One last tip: do not overthink it too much. Just be yourself as much as possible while still adhering to these guidelines and you should do just fine.