How to chat on OkCupid: Heart image on a pink enter button of a laptop's keyboard.

How to Chat on OkCupid: 5 First Message Tips With Examples

Looking to land a new date or soulmate on OkCupid? Don’t know what to say to a girl on OkCupid? Many people struggle to turn a cute match into a genuine conversation, and it can feel overwhelming just to get a girl to reply to a first OkCupid message.

If all you can think of is saying “hi” or “hello there,” but it gets you nowhere, you’re not alone. According to a 2015 OkCupid report, typing “hey” as a first message is almost as ineffective as saying nothing, with an 84% chance of being ignored.

Don’t sulk just yet! While it may seem like a tricky ordeal, you can find a way around it. With the tips listed here, we’ll help you learn how to chat on OkCupid, breaking the ice with confidence and, hopefully, finding a potential romantic partner.

How to Chat on OkCupid

A handsome, bearded young man smiles as he leans on a rail outside, checking his phone.


Here is how to start a conversation on OkCupid: Pick a good OkCupid opener, something the girl mentioned on her profile, nothing physical. To make a solid first impression, create a sentence that resonates with her.

“Expert hiker, huh? Which is the perfect trail for you?”

A man who writes well, uses complete sentences, and has solid grammar has better odds of success. He uses a direct tone that’s thoughtful. Therefore, when he reaches out to a match, he makes his intentions clear, He contacts her with the intent to meet up for a casual date, not just be a pen pal. For example:

“There is a bookstore right next to the coffee shop you like – maybe, when you got the time, we can see if we both find it special.”

A text conversation between two people discussing books to read.

How to Message Someone on OkCupid

When initiating a first message on OkCupid, navigate to the profile of someone you’re interested in and click the “message” button. Then, it is all about crafting an engaging conversation starter. You will want to ensure it’s within the ideal length of 40-90 characters. You want the message to be brief, clear, and relevant to your match. Opt for full words instead of abbreviations to convey sincerity and clarity. 

Since you can only send one opening message, make it count! Remember, if the recipient has yet to hit that heart icon, you will only see their profile or the message you sent when they reciprocate. So, put thought into creating a compelling first impression to increase the likelihood of a positive response.

5 Tips for Effective OkCupid Messages That Work

A young, attractive brunette lady lies stomach-down on her bed while checking her phone, with hearts emanating from it.

Many guys want to know “What should I say to a girl first”? The truth is, there is more to online dating than meets the eye. Having a good opener is just the tip of the iceberg. What you need is to hold a conversation capable of maintaining her attention. The tips below can help.

1. Show Her You Are Educated and Cultured

Don’t stock up on foolish pick-up lines or slang. Words like: wat, luv, realy, ya, u, r – are a guaranteed turn-off. Based on an OkCupid experiment from more than 500,000 first contacts, showing bad spelling and grammar was one of the worst ways to start a conversation.

Those who used correctly written messages had over 36% to 37% response rate, which is well above average. Good exceptions are expressions like “lol” and “haha” with a 41% and 45% reply rate respectively. It’s a good idea to laugh, as long as you use punctuation and good grammar.

Not receiving any replies on OkCupid? Find out why here.

2. Talk About What You Bring to the Table, Not What You Want

Most guys want to know how to introduce themselves on OkCupid. There are a ton of profiles where guys add lists of what they don’t like in girls. Even if the list doesn’t apply to the girl who is reading that profile, it still appears very demanding, confrontational, critical, and pretentious. The dating profile bio below has one main problem: it is bland and doesn’t give prospects any reason why they should reply.

Example of a bland dating profile about a person and what they enjoy which has little detail.

Before you can figure out how to chat with someone on OkCupid, you should give your profile some tweaks. Include facts about yourself that girls will find useful and interesting. Show who you are and what makes you unique.

Provide an example of the best quality that can make you attractive – i.e., don’t just type “I love visiting new places.” Tell a story instead. To start meeting someone on OkCupid, cover a place you saw recently, whether that be only in your local area. Or how an average workweek looks for you. It doesn’t have to be overly glamorous; it just has to be interesting. This bio is a definite upgrade to the one we just looked at. It does a much better job of mentioning some of the person’s interests:

Example of details included in a dating profile bio that is interesting and eye-catching.

Bring these specific interests when talking to her, paying close attention to keywords in her profile. Ideally, you should have a couple of things in common. These interests will help you make a connection. It could be literature, video games, food, bands, favorite movies, etc.

This can be a good OkCupid first message example. For instance, show that you read her profile, and it matches yours. You can say “good taste” or “curious what you meant by saying.” The more engaging the conversation, the better the flow. That’s why it is a good idea to have things in common. Listing your profile can help you with that.

Discover the best OkCupid hacks for greater success on the dating platform.

3. Get Creative Without Sounding Too Creepy

Still don’t know what a good first message is on OkCupid? Then, what about typing something light and fun? The easiest way to get someone to open up is to add charm to your texts. For instance, “Would you rather” questions are typical OkCupid messages that could be your passport to get responses.

“Night out or night in?”

“Watch the sunset or a movie?”

“Pick a fancy restaurant or enjoy dinner at home?”

The idea is not to ask a person to make out on the first day but to show them that you want to make a connection and that you care what they want. With an option such as this, you no longer have to ask yourself, “How do I impress a girl on OkCupid”?

Discover how to get more likes on OkCupid. 

4. Display a Sense of Humor From the Get-Go

What should I message a girl on OkCupid? The answer is simple. Try to be witty and fun. Use inventive words, if you can, to show that you have a sense of humor. Try to keep them short, sweet, upbeat, and light-hearted. But, write at least one full sentence.

Text conversation between 2 people discussing whether they prefer chicken or steak for dates.

To know how to approach a girl on OkCupid, you shouldn’t take things too seriously. It will only make you tense and anxious. Remember, online dating comes with tons of pitfalls, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.

Write whatever makes you feel comfortable. If you want to sound open-minded, go for it. If jokes make you feel at ease, then use them too. So, to answer your question, “How do I succeed in OkCupid” just don’t expect a perfect conversation right off the bat.

Enjoy the experience, and don’t let the negative conversations put you down. For a better response rate, other than being fun and creative, you can try to contact people at peak hours. Saturdays or Sundays work best. Keep your profile image up to date. This will put you on people’s front page for current activity.

The resources that look at the app’s algorithm say that Saturdays or Sundays work best. Keep your profile image up to date. This will put you on people’s front page for current activity, and that boosts your chances of finding matches easier.

Explore my comprehensive guide to online dating success and transform your love life.

5. Let Her Be Herself

So, how do you start a conversation with a girl on OkCupid? Simple – let her be herself. It’s normal for the girl to have bad and good things that you didn’t see coming. That level of mystery can keep things interesting.

It’s a good idea to give her a compliment when you meet. But, while you are still messaging for the first time, refrain from being judgmental and pay attention to what she says. The more you listen, the easier it is for her to open up.

If the girl you are messaging seems shy and uncomfortable, then take the lead. Talk about yourself a bit and ask her questions that will help her relax. In time, your authenticity and genuineness can help her be herself.

Examples of Good OkCupid Messages

A young, attractive Asian girl sits by the window in a trendy cafe with an espresso cup beside her, checking her phone.

In the world of online dating, knowing how to talk with girls in chat is a crucial skill. But breaking the ice can be either stressful or delightful, depending on how comfortable you are with initiating a conversation. 

We’ve curated a few OkCupid messages that incorporate the charm of culinary delights. From cheesy pickup lines to sizzling conversation starters, these messages are designed to spice up your interactions on the OkCupid app platform.

Example 1 – The Thoughtful Question:

“Hey [Match’s Name],

I noticed you’re into [something from their profile, e.g., hiking]. I’m a big fan, too, and recently hiked [specific trail]. What’s your favorite trail or outdoor activity? Always looking for new recommendations!”

Example 2 – The Playful Tease:

“Hey [Match’s Name],

Your profile made me laugh, especially the part about [something humorous they mentioned]. We share a similar sense of humor! I bet you can’t top my worst joke, though. What’s your go-to cheesy joke?”

Example 3 – The Shared Interest Opener:

“Hi [Match’s Name],

I saw we both enjoy [common interest, e.g., photography]. Your photos are fantastic, by the way! I’m always on the lookout for new spots to shoot. Any favorite places you’d recommend, or do you have a favorite photo you’ve taken recently?”

Example 4 – The Creative Connection:

“Hey [Match’s Name],

Your profile caught my eye, especially the part about your love for [unique interest, e.g., collecting vintage postcards]. That’s such a cool hobby! I’ve never met someone who shares that passion. If you had to pick the most interesting postcard in your collection, which one would it be? Excited to hear your story.”

Example 5 – The Future Plans Prompt:

“Hi [Match’s Name],

Your profile suggests you have a great sense of adventure, and I love that! I’m currently planning my next big trip and would love some recommendations. If you could go anywhere in the world right now, where would you choose, and what would you want to do there? Looking forward to swapping travel stories!”

You can easily customize these messages based on the information you find in your match’s profile. Personalization is key to showing that you’ve taken the time to understand their interests and that you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them. Remember, the key is to be genuine and ask open-ended questions that invite them to share more about themselves. At the same time, be aware of fake profiles and keep your privacy settings up to date. This ensures you will have a smooth experience on OkCupid and other free dating apps.


As you can see, girls and boys are not that different. We both want interesting conversations and fun experiences that will help us connect. Don’t forget; women too want to establish that connection. With the right approach, they will want to spend time with you and you will maximize your chances of finding a new mate.

Always be punctual and educated and avoid using sexual allusions in the first message. Instead of focusing on her looks, talk about her interests, and back up your conversation with your personal experiences. With a little bit of fun and healthy confidence, you can go a long way.

If you’re currently a free member, upgrading to one of the paid plans, such as OkCupid Basic or Premium, offers several advantages. OkCupid Premium users, for instance, receive 3 free SuperLikes each week. This upgrade allows you to take advantage of OkCupid boosts, giving your profile extra exposure and attracting more potential matches. Moreover, with a paid membership, you can send unlimited likes, while free members are limited in the number of likes they can send.

Now that you know the tricks to talk to girls on OkCupid, you can finally turn the tide! Do you want to take your online dating to the next level? Then, check out my professional dating profile ghostwriting services. I’ve worked with countless men and women to help them improve their dating lives and find their true matches. Whether you’re using OkCupid, Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble, I’ll work with you to enhance your profile and dating experience in no time!

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