Often – not always, but often – guys have a much harder time than gals regarding online dating. Men, let’s face it: some of us aren’t exactly the sharpest tools in the shed.
A lot of this can be attributed to a lack of insight and understanding into how most women on the internet think (i.e., what they like, what turns them off, etc.) Of course, you could argue that part of the fun of socializing with people online is getting to know them, but we’re going to assume that most people reading this post are sick of all the guesswork and conjecture. It would be best if you had answers, and that’s exactly what we have in stock.
Note: it should go without saying that what we describe in this post does not apply to everyone. Take everything you read here with a grain of salt.
What does it feel like to be asked out?
Asking someone out takes a lot of courage. The fear of rejection is often enough to dissuade some guys from asking their crush out on a date. Additionally, when you express interest in someone, whether you like it or not, you leave yourself open and vulnerable – in other words, you give power over to the person you’re asking out. The ball, as they say, is in their court.
Because of these petty power dynamics, it’s easy to forget that the person on the other side of the conversation is, well, a person.
Let’s put it this way: if someone asked you out, how would you react? Your response would probably depend on the person in question, i.e., how well you know them, how attracted you are to them, etc.
So, to answer the question of what it feels like to be asked out: it depends.
Worry not, however, because throughout the rest of this post, we will cover a range of potential responses, what they mean, and how you can – and should – respond in turn.
How do you ask someone out?
Before we get into specific responses you may encounter, it’s important to understand the first step in the dating process: asking someone out.
Rest assured that this isn’t as scary as it may seem in your head. The key to asking someone out is knowing exactly what you want to say and coming prepared with an idea for a date. For the purposes of this post, we’re going to assume that you’re asking someone out via text, so no romantic letters here, unfortunately.
Check out my post to find out how to ask for someone’s number over Bumble or similar apps.
Step One: Decide on an Activity
Before you start twiddling your thumbs crafting the most romantic text ever to grace the airwaves, you first need to come up with some ideas for a date, an activity that the two of you can enjoy. Whatever you do, avoid using the phrase “hang out,” which is far too vague.
Instead, come up with some fun, interesting activities that you can see the two of you enjoying. Don’t be afraid to think outside of the box! Contrary to every trashy romantic comedy from the early 2000s, going to dinner or the movies is a terrible idea for a first date. You should instead try to get an idea of their interests as well as their schedule. Preparation is the better part of valor, after all.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Go to an arcade or play mini-golf
- Go to an art exhibition or local festival
- Go to a cool, new-age coffee shop and second-hand bookstore
- Make some pizza and invite them over to sample it
If you need guidance on how you should act, what to do, and what not to do, on a date, check out this post on what to do when meeting a girl on a date.
Step Two: Write Your Message
Once you’ve settled on an activity for you and your would-be date, it’s time to type out a cute, charming message that they will have a hard time saying no to. Try not to overthink it – keep it short, sweet, and to the point. Additionally, try to let them know that you find them attractive (in a non-threatening, non-creepy way). This will ensure that your intentions aren’t misconstrued.
Here’s an example:
Remember to be specific about the activity you would like to do. Check out my post if you need some guidance on how to get a conversation going. You should build a rapport with someone before asking them out. Engage in banter, tell each other jokes, that sort of thing. Also, if you’re meeting them from an online dating site, it’s better to ask them out within at least three days, lest someone else steals their heart.
Step Three: Be Humble
Once you’ve hit send, the pressure and anticipation will begin to mount, but don’t let it get to your head. If you’re feeling anxious, put your phone away for a while and do something else to keep your mind off of it. Whatever you do, do not spam-message them. This is one of the quickest ways of scaring someone off.
Regardless of their answer, you will want to keep things as calm as possible when they reply. If they say no, don’t take too long to respond. Let them know that there are no hard feelings and that your opinion of them remains unchanged.
Here’s an example:
Alternatively, if they agree to go out with you, let them know that you’re looking forward to the date without being overbearing. Iron out all the details, mark it on your calendar and celebrate your achievement – quietly and by yourself.
Here’s an example.
Step Four: Follow Up
If you were rejected by the person you asked out, don’t try to avoid them in public. In fact, you should make it a point to wave and say hi whenever you run into them. Rejection can be painful, but there’s no reason to be salty about it. If you’re asking someone out online, your chances of actually running into them are minimal – so what have you got to lose? If she’s busy, you can always try asking them out again at a later time.
If, on the other hand, they agree to go out with you, let them know that you are excited about the date, either on the day of or the day before. A short, simple message will do. This will remind them of your plans and allow them to cancel beforehand if they need to, rather than stand you up.
What should you do if someone says no to hanging out with you?
The simple, undeniable truth is that you’re probably going to face rejection at some point. So what can you do? What should you do?
Although nobody likes being rejected, rejection tends to “build character.” It teaches you how to handle your emotions, and if you can get over the pain you may feel, you’ll find yourself back in the saddle in no time.
Assess and Reassess
Although the simple four-step guide to asking someone out we’ve provided is pretty solid, it’s not infallible. There will be times when you’ll come up with the perfect idea for a date, craft the sweetest message, and still get a resounding no.
However, even though your approach may have seemed foolproof before, it never hurts to go back and reassess it. Remember that we aren’t suggesting that you obsess over it – rather, take a step back and evaluate how well you carried yourself or what you could have done better. This information will come in handy the next time you ask someone out.
Pay Attention to Your Profile
This tip strictly applies to all you online daters out there. Whether you use Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, or Coffee Meets Bagel. Your online dating profile is crucial to ensuring your success. It’s all too easy to drop the ball when it comes to presenting yourself online. Unfortunately, many people write shoddy bios or cram their profiles full of selfies. Both of these things are major turn-offs.
Take a look at your profile and see what may need some touching up. Is your bio too long or too short? Is it too detailed or too vague? Similarly, are all your photos selfies, or do they paint an accurate picture of who you are?
Luckily, we have plenty of posts covering this exact topic…
Learn how to write an irresistible Bumble bio here.
Keep Your Cool
This tip applies to all of your online interactions, especially when it comes to dating. If you are rejected, don’t lose your head. Be respectful and understanding to the person on the other side. Remember that online dating is a numbers game, after all – you’re bound to face plenty of rejection, no matter how smooth you are.
If you want to seem a bit slicker, reconsider some of your openers and ice-breakers. We’ve got a whole post about that very thing, which is well worth your time.
We’ve reached the end of our time together, for now. Hopefully, you’ve been able to glean some insight from this post. Asking someone out and dealing with rejection are tricky topics, and it would be impossible to tackle everything in one post.
Fortunately, we’ve already written extensively on both of these topics, along with many others which may prove useful to you during your online dating adventures.
If you like what we’ve written, we’d appreciate your support. We have two main services on offer: we can write the perfect online dating profile for you and review your text message interactions to ensure that you’re on the right path. Whatever you choose, we hope you’ll continue to read our blog.